Well, obviously I didn't keep up with writing in this as much as I planned. So much has happened since Thanksgiving but I honestly don't want to talk about it at the moment. A lot of drama mixed with too many emotions. I don't know what I'm feeling right now and I'm honestly trying to avoid it because I'm a hot mess about it all. Basically though, I told the previously mentioned person I like them, they didn't feel the same but we are still friends, I then kind of fell back into liking someone else, we spent a lot of time together, I thought maybe things were changing and that I had a chance, he still doesn't feel the same, I made things awkward as usual, we got past it and are friends, I told both of them I was fine with being friends when I'm not, and here we are.
I wanted to write about New Years though. I am sitting at home with my dad, stepmom, John and his 3 friends. I really wanted to go to Natalie's but didn't have a way there or back. So once again I'm missing out on a great time with my friends. It's very annoying not being able to drive myself to see my friends whenever I want. Anyways... So I wanted to put on here my New Years resolutions so that I have it down and can say if I went through with them. So...
New Years Resolutions:
1. Lose weight- I know I say this every year but it's always an ongoing goal of mine. I have lost around 50-60 pounds since high school, which is more than I thought possible due to sitting all the time, but I still need to lose more.
2. Drink less soda till I get to the point where I don't drink it anymore.
3. No cutting.
4. Get better grades, study, be the student I used to be.
5. Get a control on my eating problems, whether it be a disorder or not. Eat healthier and more often. No more lying about eating. No more skipping meals.
I'm sure there are more but this is it for now. I'll try updating the list as often as I can remember. I also want to blog more often and not keep these feelings bottled up like I have in the past.
Happy New Years!
~Cait :)
Monday, December 31, 2012
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Dec1, 2012
Sorry forgot to hit publish...
Wow, so much for trying to write in this every day. I went home two weekends ago for the first time since school started. Thanksgiving was really good. I started out at my dad's. We were going to go to the Bravo's, Eric's girlfriend (Polly)'s house, but it isn't accessible. So we had our dinner at Rancho Bravo. It was closed, we brought all of our food there. It ended up being Eric, Polly, Megan, John, my dad, Becky, and I. It was really great being altogether, That doesn't happen very often. For those of you who don't know, Eric is my older step-brother, Megan is my younger sister, John is my younger half-brother, and Becky is my step-mom. However, the words "step" and "half" don't exist in our house. Eric is 22, Megan is 19 and John is almost 13. Eric has been my friend since I was very young, like 2, and has been my brother since I was 7, he was 8. In my opinion he is just as much my brother as Megan is my sister. I also have a younger "half" sister, Macy, on my moms side, who is 13. I am very close with all of my siblings, as they are all with each other. John and Macy, even though from different sides are extremely close friends, they are in the same grade, at the same school, and have often called each other their best friends. Anyway, as we have gotten older, we have grown apart, especially with me living 2 hours away 8 months of the year. When I am home I rarely see Eric since he has moved out, and Megan is always gone at a friends house or out. So it was very nice to have us all in one place. I then went to my mom's house. My grandma came up, my aunt and her new husband came up from Florida, my cousin Shelby came up, and then Megan, Macy, my mom, her boyfriend Lance, his sisters Lori and Kim, their husband Larry and Toni, and some of their kids were there. It was really good seeing everyone. As much as I love being at school, I really do miss them when I'm gone.
~Cait :)
Wow, so much for trying to write in this every day. I went home two weekends ago for the first time since school started. Thanksgiving was really good. I started out at my dad's. We were going to go to the Bravo's, Eric's girlfriend (Polly)'s house, but it isn't accessible. So we had our dinner at Rancho Bravo. It was closed, we brought all of our food there. It ended up being Eric, Polly, Megan, John, my dad, Becky, and I. It was really great being altogether, That doesn't happen very often. For those of you who don't know, Eric is my older step-brother, Megan is my younger sister, John is my younger half-brother, and Becky is my step-mom. However, the words "step" and "half" don't exist in our house. Eric is 22, Megan is 19 and John is almost 13. Eric has been my friend since I was very young, like 2, and has been my brother since I was 7, he was 8. In my opinion he is just as much my brother as Megan is my sister. I also have a younger "half" sister, Macy, on my moms side, who is 13. I am very close with all of my siblings, as they are all with each other. John and Macy, even though from different sides are extremely close friends, they are in the same grade, at the same school, and have often called each other their best friends. Anyway, as we have gotten older, we have grown apart, especially with me living 2 hours away 8 months of the year. When I am home I rarely see Eric since he has moved out, and Megan is always gone at a friends house or out. So it was very nice to have us all in one place. I then went to my mom's house. My grandma came up, my aunt and her new husband came up from Florida, my cousin Shelby came up, and then Megan, Macy, my mom, her boyfriend Lance, his sisters Lori and Kim, their husband Larry and Toni, and some of their kids were there. It was really good seeing everyone. As much as I love being at school, I really do miss them when I'm gone.
~Cait :)
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Nov3, 2012
Hello. So I don't really have anything to talk about today. Not a lot happened. I hung out with friends. We watched Magic Mike, which was good, I wasn't paying much attention and couldn't hear a lot of it so I'll probably need to watch it again. Plus I just really like Channing Tatum.
Speaking of liking people. I still really like this guy. A few people have told me to just tell him how I feel but I don't do that...I always chicken out. Plus I really don't see the point in telling him because I'm pretty sure he'd never feel the same. So why put myself out there just to get rejected, again. I don't want to ruin our friendship or make things awkward because it would. It really would because of who it is. I don't know...I really like him though, that's the problem. Whenever I'm around him it's like my whole mood changes. I can't help but just feeling really happy around him. Happier than I normally am if I'm being honest. I shouldn't feel this way and it really scares the hell out of me that I do. And I'm so comfortable around him. When I've liked guys in the past I was always so nervous and felt like I had to try so hard but with him I don't. I feel like I can just be me. I know this is weird and probably too much info but let's be honest, that's what this blog is all about. Me telling the truth about what I'm feeling.
Ok, I know this was pretty much a pointless post but I am really trying to write at least something everyday. I'm going to go back to sewing now. Night!
~Cait :)
Song of the day is Addicted by Kelly Clarkson. If you know it then it's pretty self explanatory of why it's the song I chose for this post haha...
Speaking of liking people. I still really like this guy. A few people have told me to just tell him how I feel but I don't do that...I always chicken out. Plus I really don't see the point in telling him because I'm pretty sure he'd never feel the same. So why put myself out there just to get rejected, again. I don't want to ruin our friendship or make things awkward because it would. It really would because of who it is. I don't know...I really like him though, that's the problem. Whenever I'm around him it's like my whole mood changes. I can't help but just feeling really happy around him. Happier than I normally am if I'm being honest. I shouldn't feel this way and it really scares the hell out of me that I do. And I'm so comfortable around him. When I've liked guys in the past I was always so nervous and felt like I had to try so hard but with him I don't. I feel like I can just be me. I know this is weird and probably too much info but let's be honest, that's what this blog is all about. Me telling the truth about what I'm feeling.
Ok, I know this was pretty much a pointless post but I am really trying to write at least something everyday. I'm going to go back to sewing now. Night!
~Cait :)
Song of the day is Addicted by Kelly Clarkson. If you know it then it's pretty self explanatory of why it's the song I chose for this post haha...
Friday, November 2, 2012
Nov2, 2012
Hey guys, I'm going to really try keeping up on this so that I don't have as much to say every time. Plus I want to see how many days in a row I can blog.
So I am feeling much better today. I am not completely better but I didn't plan on being. I know it's going to take a lot of work and time. I had trouble eating lunch today. I barely ate anything but felt full, like I ate a lot. Matt thinks I have an eating disorder, anorexia actually. This scares me. I don't think I am anorexic. Don't you have to be super skinny to have that? I don't know, I know something is wrong though. He read through the symptoms and stuff and I do have most of them but I don't think I have it. He's really worried for me as usual though and I feel bad. He keeps telling me I should talk to someone, and I know I should but at the same time...I like losing weight...
On to happier things. Tonight I didn't do anything. Donelle came over for a little while, we talked for a long time and then she fell asleep hahaha. I don't know what it is about my room but it really makes people want to sleep...hence the reason I nap so much. Then I went and talked to Brandon at the desk for a few and got food. I came back to my room and watched The Wedding Planner. It's such a good movie, I hadn't seen it in years! Normally I hate sitting in my room alone, but I actually had a really nice, relaxing time. Oh, and I decided I want to be a wedding planner. I've been thinking about this for years but watching this movie made me realize it's something I really could do and love. I think it'd be a lot of fun, and I love weddings! Okay, well as I said, my room makes me very tired haha and it's almost 2 am, so I am going to go. Niiiight!
~Cait :)
Song of the day is Sophmore Slump Or Comeback Of The Year by Fall Out Boy. I just really love this song and listened to it like 12 times today haha :)
So I am feeling much better today. I am not completely better but I didn't plan on being. I know it's going to take a lot of work and time. I had trouble eating lunch today. I barely ate anything but felt full, like I ate a lot. Matt thinks I have an eating disorder, anorexia actually. This scares me. I don't think I am anorexic. Don't you have to be super skinny to have that? I don't know, I know something is wrong though. He read through the symptoms and stuff and I do have most of them but I don't think I have it. He's really worried for me as usual though and I feel bad. He keeps telling me I should talk to someone, and I know I should but at the same time...I like losing weight...
On to happier things. Tonight I didn't do anything. Donelle came over for a little while, we talked for a long time and then she fell asleep hahaha. I don't know what it is about my room but it really makes people want to sleep...hence the reason I nap so much. Then I went and talked to Brandon at the desk for a few and got food. I came back to my room and watched The Wedding Planner. It's such a good movie, I hadn't seen it in years! Normally I hate sitting in my room alone, but I actually had a really nice, relaxing time. Oh, and I decided I want to be a wedding planner. I've been thinking about this for years but watching this movie made me realize it's something I really could do and love. I think it'd be a lot of fun, and I love weddings! Okay, well as I said, my room makes me very tired haha and it's almost 2 am, so I am going to go. Niiiight!
~Cait :)
Song of the day is Sophmore Slump Or Comeback Of The Year by Fall Out Boy. I just really love this song and listened to it like 12 times today haha :)
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Nov1, 2012
1 year, 6 months, 17 days...
This is how long I made it. I have recently talked about my eating problems, which haven't gotten much better, but I left out a big part of my problems. Yes, I suffer from depression. Yes, I may have an eating disorder. I am not comfortable talking about these, but I would talk about them all day if I didn't have to mention the next thing. I know what you're thinking, why put it here for the world to see if I am uncomfortable talking about it? Well, I have talked about it on here before, a little over a year and a half ago, but it is relevant in my life right now and need to again. I am writing this, not to get sympathy, but so that I can express myself. It is much easier to write than to talk and to say it out loud. I am hoping that by having it on here maybe I can look back on this post the next time, and maybe it won't happen.
I used to cut myself. Simple as that. There's no smoother way of saying it, that I can think of so there you go. I have been in a dark place for the last few months. I'm not going to lie, a lot of it is because of Bethany dying. I am so lost without her. Not only do I miss her more than I can express but I also feel a great deal of guilt. Guilt that I didn't talk to her as often as used to. Guilt that the last text she sent me was in April saying how she was getting worse. Guilt that I didn't text her back after that. Guilt that I hadn't seen her in over a year. Guilt that I never got around to sending her her Christmas or birthday presents. Guilt that all she wanted, all she ever asked me, was for me to visit her. I can't take any of this back. I can't say sorry. I have no excuses for these things. I kept telling her I was busy, that was my excuse. Never be too busy for your friends...you never know how much time you get with them.
So all this had been building up, until now I had never said any of this. On top of that I am having eating problems again, as well as just general depression. Yesterday I had had enough. I'm not going to go into details because honestly I want to forget about it. Basically, Matt and I got into an argument. I am a very stubborn person so for me to say this...I caused it. He had said something and basically I just reacted wrong and blew up and then we just kept going at it. I am not saying in anyway what so ever that he caused me to do this. He absolutely did not. He is my best friend, and does so much for me. I would be completely lost without him. We met two years ago, when Bethany started getting bad. I honestly believe he was brought into my life at that point, not to replace her because no one could ever do that, but so that I would have someone when she left. He is the reason I had stopped cutting, April 14, 2011. I promised him I'd stop because I had never seen someone look hurt like that. I didn't realize it effected others when I did this. I did it because I was mad at myself. I was mad I had, not only started this fight, but also because I had snapped at him at least two other times in the last week. He doesn't deserve that. I felt like I was ruining our friendship, and I realized this as I was doing it but couldn't stop. I had already lost one best friend, I couldn't lose another...I was upset because I had let things build up again when I had been doing so good. I was upset because I had let my eating problems get out of control again. This is why I did it. I was in a dark place.
Matt came over, right after. He saw my wrist and just hugged me. I sat here crying for a good long while. He kept saying sorry. I tried telling him it wasn't his fault but I couldn't explain it right. Which is another reason I wanted to write this, to apologize and hopefully show why I did what I did. We made up obviously. Seriously I think our fights could win records for how short they last. We can't stay made, it's just not possible.
I feel a little better now but I know it's not going to just go away. I am thinking about going to the Counseling Center. I just want to stop feeling like this all the time. I feel so lonely even when surrounded by people. I feel like something is missing in me, and I need to fix it. So this is a new day. Day one. Me starting over. I'm not promising someone that I won't do it again, other than me. I'm not doing for anyone else. I'm promising for myself. I need to stop this for me. So here I go. I will not let the darkness defeat me again. I WILL get through this!
~Caitlin
Song for the day is Little Things by One Direction. It is their new song that came out this week. It's so good and really just goes with my mood. Go give it a listen :)
This is how long I made it. I have recently talked about my eating problems, which haven't gotten much better, but I left out a big part of my problems. Yes, I suffer from depression. Yes, I may have an eating disorder. I am not comfortable talking about these, but I would talk about them all day if I didn't have to mention the next thing. I know what you're thinking, why put it here for the world to see if I am uncomfortable talking about it? Well, I have talked about it on here before, a little over a year and a half ago, but it is relevant in my life right now and need to again. I am writing this, not to get sympathy, but so that I can express myself. It is much easier to write than to talk and to say it out loud. I am hoping that by having it on here maybe I can look back on this post the next time, and maybe it won't happen.
I used to cut myself. Simple as that. There's no smoother way of saying it, that I can think of so there you go. I have been in a dark place for the last few months. I'm not going to lie, a lot of it is because of Bethany dying. I am so lost without her. Not only do I miss her more than I can express but I also feel a great deal of guilt. Guilt that I didn't talk to her as often as used to. Guilt that the last text she sent me was in April saying how she was getting worse. Guilt that I didn't text her back after that. Guilt that I hadn't seen her in over a year. Guilt that I never got around to sending her her Christmas or birthday presents. Guilt that all she wanted, all she ever asked me, was for me to visit her. I can't take any of this back. I can't say sorry. I have no excuses for these things. I kept telling her I was busy, that was my excuse. Never be too busy for your friends...you never know how much time you get with them.
So all this had been building up, until now I had never said any of this. On top of that I am having eating problems again, as well as just general depression. Yesterday I had had enough. I'm not going to go into details because honestly I want to forget about it. Basically, Matt and I got into an argument. I am a very stubborn person so for me to say this...I caused it. He had said something and basically I just reacted wrong and blew up and then we just kept going at it. I am not saying in anyway what so ever that he caused me to do this. He absolutely did not. He is my best friend, and does so much for me. I would be completely lost without him. We met two years ago, when Bethany started getting bad. I honestly believe he was brought into my life at that point, not to replace her because no one could ever do that, but so that I would have someone when she left. He is the reason I had stopped cutting, April 14, 2011. I promised him I'd stop because I had never seen someone look hurt like that. I didn't realize it effected others when I did this. I did it because I was mad at myself. I was mad I had, not only started this fight, but also because I had snapped at him at least two other times in the last week. He doesn't deserve that. I felt like I was ruining our friendship, and I realized this as I was doing it but couldn't stop. I had already lost one best friend, I couldn't lose another...I was upset because I had let things build up again when I had been doing so good. I was upset because I had let my eating problems get out of control again. This is why I did it. I was in a dark place.
Matt came over, right after. He saw my wrist and just hugged me. I sat here crying for a good long while. He kept saying sorry. I tried telling him it wasn't his fault but I couldn't explain it right. Which is another reason I wanted to write this, to apologize and hopefully show why I did what I did. We made up obviously. Seriously I think our fights could win records for how short they last. We can't stay made, it's just not possible.
I feel a little better now but I know it's not going to just go away. I am thinking about going to the Counseling Center. I just want to stop feeling like this all the time. I feel so lonely even when surrounded by people. I feel like something is missing in me, and I need to fix it. So this is a new day. Day one. Me starting over. I'm not promising someone that I won't do it again, other than me. I'm not doing for anyone else. I'm promising for myself. I need to stop this for me. So here I go. I will not let the darkness defeat me again. I WILL get through this!
~Caitlin
Song for the day is Little Things by One Direction. It is their new song that came out this week. It's so good and really just goes with my mood. Go give it a listen :)
Monday, October 29, 2012
Oct29, 2012
Hey guys, it's like 1:20 am and technically the 30th right now but whenever I post stuff it says it's like 6 hours earlier than it actually is but I don't know how to change that so I'm just going with it I guess. Anyway, I made the mistake of drinking some Mountain Dew and now I can't sleep, plus I have a lot on my mind, so here I am. I apologize ahead of time for this post being a bit of a downer but I need to talk about a couple of things.
First, as some of you know I have a lot of self confidence issues. If you've read my past posts, especially from early 2011, you know that this problem can get really bad. I've been having some of these problems again the last few weeks. My biggest insecurity is my weight. Being in a wheelchair, unable to really move a whole lot, really makes it difficult to keep my weight down and nearly impossible to lose weight. But I've managed to lose almost 50 pounds in the last few years, maybe more now, I'm never really sure how much I weigh until I am in the hospital. This may not seem like a whole lot but think about it, for someone who doesn't move and doesn't eat real healthy food, it kind of is a lot. I have a problem eating. I am aware of it but I don't know what to do about it. I barely eat, if I eat at all, and when I do I feel disgusting... I know this is bad. I know I need to stop. It was brought to my attention today that I may have an eating disorder. I've told only a couple of people about these problems but until today I had never heard those words. Don't get me wrong, I've heard them multiple times, but never about me. I've seen movies and shows about people with eating disorders but never thought that they had any connection to me. Maybe I was wrong... I don't know. I do know I have a problem though, and I guess the first step is always admitting that. I just need to figure out what to do next.
Second, this guy I like...We hung out recently and I thought maybe I would realize I didn't really like him as much as I thought. I was wrong. Very wrong. It only stirred up those feelings and made me remember all the reasons why I like him. I don't know what to about it. One friend said I either need to just tell him or move on and stop torturing myself. I told another friend that someone had said that and also said I should tell him. I just don't think he would feel the same and I don't want things to be awkward. I'm just really scared honestly. I've never felt this way before and it really scares the hell out of me. I just don't know what to do...
The rest can wait for another time, it's now 1:40, and I have to get up in a little over 5 hours so I'm going to attempt to sleep. Thanks for listening to my rants. I didn't write this for people to feel sorry for me or anything, I just needed to get it out there. If you have any advice or words of encouragement though, please share. Thanks!
~Cait
My song for the day is Theme From New York, New York by Frank Sinatra. I just love him and this song is great. Go listen to it if you haven't heard it. "If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere, it's up to you New York, New York!" :)
First, as some of you know I have a lot of self confidence issues. If you've read my past posts, especially from early 2011, you know that this problem can get really bad. I've been having some of these problems again the last few weeks. My biggest insecurity is my weight. Being in a wheelchair, unable to really move a whole lot, really makes it difficult to keep my weight down and nearly impossible to lose weight. But I've managed to lose almost 50 pounds in the last few years, maybe more now, I'm never really sure how much I weigh until I am in the hospital. This may not seem like a whole lot but think about it, for someone who doesn't move and doesn't eat real healthy food, it kind of is a lot. I have a problem eating. I am aware of it but I don't know what to do about it. I barely eat, if I eat at all, and when I do I feel disgusting... I know this is bad. I know I need to stop. It was brought to my attention today that I may have an eating disorder. I've told only a couple of people about these problems but until today I had never heard those words. Don't get me wrong, I've heard them multiple times, but never about me. I've seen movies and shows about people with eating disorders but never thought that they had any connection to me. Maybe I was wrong... I don't know. I do know I have a problem though, and I guess the first step is always admitting that. I just need to figure out what to do next.
Second, this guy I like...We hung out recently and I thought maybe I would realize I didn't really like him as much as I thought. I was wrong. Very wrong. It only stirred up those feelings and made me remember all the reasons why I like him. I don't know what to about it. One friend said I either need to just tell him or move on and stop torturing myself. I told another friend that someone had said that and also said I should tell him. I just don't think he would feel the same and I don't want things to be awkward. I'm just really scared honestly. I've never felt this way before and it really scares the hell out of me. I just don't know what to do...
The rest can wait for another time, it's now 1:40, and I have to get up in a little over 5 hours so I'm going to attempt to sleep. Thanks for listening to my rants. I didn't write this for people to feel sorry for me or anything, I just needed to get it out there. If you have any advice or words of encouragement though, please share. Thanks!
~Cait
My song for the day is Theme From New York, New York by Frank Sinatra. I just love him and this song is great. Go listen to it if you haven't heard it. "If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere, it's up to you New York, New York!" :)
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Oct25, 2012
Hey guys! It's been a while since I last wrote, and so much has happened since then! Okay, lies not much has really happened haha.
Well there was Homecoming week for starters. I went to Air Jam, which is a lip sync/dance competition that is held every year. I had never been before this year, and it was a blast! I don't know why I had never gone before. At the end, they name Homecoming King and Queen and there court. Donelle made it in to the court!! Which means she was in the top 5! It was very exciting! Then it was Homecoming weekend. I had been waiting for that weekend for a long time and let me tell you it was worth the wait. We had so much fun! Matt, Bri and I had started a tradition of going to Puerto's every Friday night, so that Friday was no different other than a bigger group went. Then on Saturday Bri, Belle, Matt, Christian and I went to Cleo's for Breakfast Club, and then over to The Cup to actually get breakfast. We then met up with Donelle's mom, grandparents and Chaneigh to watch the parade. We then went over to Matt's for a few and then met up with everyone in the tailgating parking lot. We had a lot of fun, or at least I did. It was great seeing everyone and having people come up, like Natalie, Jc, his friend, Leah, Christian, Elizabeth and Joe. The rest of the day we just kind of chilled and 'recovered' hahaha. That was pretty much it, nothing to exciting, but it was fun.
This past weekend was Fall Break, and I actually had a five day weekend! I didn't do a whole lot. I relaxed a lot, it was wonderful! Saturday Round Table ordered pizza and watched a movie, and then I went and watched Hocus Pocus with Donelle, Tyler and Ashley. Donelle was on duty and doing rounds almost the whole time I was there though. Tyler, Ashley and I had a lot of fun though, and then on Sunday the three of us went to Red Lobster and ate a ridiculous amount of shrimp. It was so fantastic! That's pretty much the excitement of my Fall Break though. I mainly chilled in my room, napped, painted and watched a LOT of One Tree Hill...
And now it's almost the weekend again! But I think I am getting sick :( I have felt like crap all day. Hopefully I feel better soon though. Other than that there's really nothing else to tell. Oh, other than my screen on my phone shattering! Hahaha yeah... it still works though, for now. It was a joint effort of Matt and I. Kind of a long story, not really, just not important. I think I am due for an upgrade though so I can probably get a new one soon. Ok now I'm done, nothing left.
~Cait:)
PS every time I blog now I am going to put what song I am obsessed with for the day. Today it is Dark Blue by Jack's Mannequin. I forgot about it for a long time and then I heard it on One Tree Hill and the other day I came across it on Spotify so I've been listening to it like crazy :)
Well there was Homecoming week for starters. I went to Air Jam, which is a lip sync/dance competition that is held every year. I had never been before this year, and it was a blast! I don't know why I had never gone before. At the end, they name Homecoming King and Queen and there court. Donelle made it in to the court!! Which means she was in the top 5! It was very exciting! Then it was Homecoming weekend. I had been waiting for that weekend for a long time and let me tell you it was worth the wait. We had so much fun! Matt, Bri and I had started a tradition of going to Puerto's every Friday night, so that Friday was no different other than a bigger group went. Then on Saturday Bri, Belle, Matt, Christian and I went to Cleo's for Breakfast Club, and then over to The Cup to actually get breakfast. We then met up with Donelle's mom, grandparents and Chaneigh to watch the parade. We then went over to Matt's for a few and then met up with everyone in the tailgating parking lot. We had a lot of fun, or at least I did. It was great seeing everyone and having people come up, like Natalie, Jc, his friend, Leah, Christian, Elizabeth and Joe. The rest of the day we just kind of chilled and 'recovered' hahaha. That was pretty much it, nothing to exciting, but it was fun.
This past weekend was Fall Break, and I actually had a five day weekend! I didn't do a whole lot. I relaxed a lot, it was wonderful! Saturday Round Table ordered pizza and watched a movie, and then I went and watched Hocus Pocus with Donelle, Tyler and Ashley. Donelle was on duty and doing rounds almost the whole time I was there though. Tyler, Ashley and I had a lot of fun though, and then on Sunday the three of us went to Red Lobster and ate a ridiculous amount of shrimp. It was so fantastic! That's pretty much the excitement of my Fall Break though. I mainly chilled in my room, napped, painted and watched a LOT of One Tree Hill...
And now it's almost the weekend again! But I think I am getting sick :( I have felt like crap all day. Hopefully I feel better soon though. Other than that there's really nothing else to tell. Oh, other than my screen on my phone shattering! Hahaha yeah... it still works though, for now. It was a joint effort of Matt and I. Kind of a long story, not really, just not important. I think I am due for an upgrade though so I can probably get a new one soon. Ok now I'm done, nothing left.
~Cait:)
PS every time I blog now I am going to put what song I am obsessed with for the day. Today it is Dark Blue by Jack's Mannequin. I forgot about it for a long time and then I heard it on One Tree Hill and the other day I came across it on Spotify so I've been listening to it like crazy :)
Friday, October 5, 2012
Oct5, 2012
Hello there. Monday night was the Homecoming fashion show, it was a lot of fun. Donelle made it into the top 10!! I'm so happy for her, it's really exciting. I know a few others who made it as well, so it was really awesome. However, as happy as I was/am for them, I really felt down that day. I've talked about some of my depression problems before as well as my eating habits. I had been doing better with the whole eating thing but recently I've been having difficulties again. Last weekend I barely ate anything and the rest of the week has been pretty much the same. Eating makes me feel disgusting. I was feeling really down that night and honestly nothing was making me feel better. I went out to round table so that I wouldn't have to be alone. Oh I never said what round table was, it's basically a bunch of friends and I just sitting around talking, usually for hours on end. I wasn't counting on it making me feel better but I knew I shouldn't be by myself, I've done some stupid things in my life while feeling like that. I went out there and just sat, kind of observing everything, not really talking. One of my friends asked me if I was ok though, and just those three words made a world of difference. When I start feeling like that it usually comes with the feeling that no one cares. I know it isn't true but that's how I feel. When he asked me if I was ok I almost broke down but didn't. He kept asking me because he could tell I was lying about being fine. And then he just got up and came over to give me a hug. It helped more than I can say. By the end of the night I felt much better. This guy and I have known each other for a couple years now but we weren't really close until this semester. I can't believe how close we've become so quickly. I honestly consider him one of my best friend now. We have so much in common and I know that I could trust him with anything. So if you're reading this, you know who you are, thank you. I hope you know how much of a difference you made that night, and I'm so grateful that I have you in my life. You have blogged about feeling like a bad friend recently, but you should know you're not, or not intentionally. I don't think you ever could be, maybe I'm wrong but I usually have pretty good intuition about people and you're a good person. So don't take what that one person said to heart. I know they're your best friend but it's not like you chose to grow apart. I'm kind of just babbling now and I'm sorry for that, I just hope you know that at least I think you're a great friend and I'm so glad that we're closer than ever now. Thanks for helping me and always being there for me.
~Cait :)
~Cait :)
Monday, October 1, 2012
Oct1, 2012
Okay, I know I just blogged a little while ago but I'm doing another
one. I'm kind of bored and realized I haven't done a list of favorites
in a while. Plus I never explained my new obsession with One Tree Hill
like I said I would. So I'm going to do that and then list my favorite
shows, fitting right?
A couple of weeks ago I was watching OTH with my friends Ashley and Brandon. They started at the beginning and are watching them all in order. Well, I decided one day to watch it with them but they were on season 5 so I really had no clue what was going on. I then decided to start from the beginning myself and watch them all. I got addicted and cannot stop watching it. I have been watching it for I think three weeks now and am about halfway through season 5! They have been watching it for months now, but they only watch maybe a couple episodes a week if that. Needless to say, I have a problem.
On to my list. I'm actually going to make two lists. One of my top five favorite current shows, and the other of my top five I could watch over and over favorite shows. OTH is my favorite right now but just because it's my newest obsession, so it will not be in these list.
Top 5 Favorite Current Shows:
5. Project Runway
4. Glee
3. Grey's Anatomy
2. Vampire Diaries
1. Pretty Little Liars
Top 5 I Could Watch Over And Over Favorite Shows:
5. Psych
4. The Nanny
3. Friends
2. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
1. Boy Meets World
~Cait :)
A couple of weeks ago I was watching OTH with my friends Ashley and Brandon. They started at the beginning and are watching them all in order. Well, I decided one day to watch it with them but they were on season 5 so I really had no clue what was going on. I then decided to start from the beginning myself and watch them all. I got addicted and cannot stop watching it. I have been watching it for I think three weeks now and am about halfway through season 5! They have been watching it for months now, but they only watch maybe a couple episodes a week if that. Needless to say, I have a problem.
On to my list. I'm actually going to make two lists. One of my top five favorite current shows, and the other of my top five I could watch over and over favorite shows. OTH is my favorite right now but just because it's my newest obsession, so it will not be in these list.
Top 5 Favorite Current Shows:
5. Project Runway
4. Glee
3. Grey's Anatomy
2. Vampire Diaries
1. Pretty Little Liars
Top 5 I Could Watch Over And Over Favorite Shows:
5. Psych
4. The Nanny
3. Friends
2. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
1. Boy Meets World
~Cait :)
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Sept30, 2012
Hey there! Just wanted to update/talk about some stuff. So this weekend was awesome! Friday night Bri, Matt and I went to Puerto's. It was a lot of fun and we laughed sooo much!! I can't even remember all the reasons why but it was pretty great. Then Saturday was the NRHH conference, and it was The Hunger Games themed. Noyer was district 7, the lumber district. So we dressed up in plaid like lumberjacks and brought some of the trees from Noyer hahaha. We sang the "I'm a lumberjack" song from Monte Python, but changed the words for our roll call and won best roll call. It was hilarious. Shannon and I did a program about random acts of kindness and I think it went really well. Then I kind of helped with another program, or tried to. It was all a lot of fun. That night Matt came over to hang out and we just chilled all night. We didn't do a whole lot but it was great just hanging out like we used to. It was pretty fun especially when we were getting slap happy because we were so tired and we couldn't stop laughing. Then today Bri, Matt and I went to The Cup for breakfast and then went to church. It was great. I love this church so much and it always makes me feel so much better when I go.
The other thing I wanted to talk about is simply because I can't really talk to anyone about it. I really like this guy, I know I know, very cliché of me. But I do. A lot. I like him a lot and I just don't know really what to do about it. Every time I think of him or see him, even of its just a picture, I can't help but smile. Every time he gets brought up I can't help but smile and look like an idiot. But then when I start thinking more about it and him I get sad because I know I only have like a 2% chance of him ever feeling the same way. I know I can't tell him how I feel and I know he will probably never feel the same but I can't stop. It's frustrating. I told myself I wouldn't do this anymore but it's so much worse this time. I've never felt this way and honestly it scares the crap out of me because I don't want to be hurt again, and I don't know if I can handle having more to be sad about right now. I don't know...it's whatever. I guess for now I'm just going to go with the flow and if it happens to work out then great but I'm not counting on it.
~Cait
The other thing I wanted to talk about is simply because I can't really talk to anyone about it. I really like this guy, I know I know, very cliché of me. But I do. A lot. I like him a lot and I just don't know really what to do about it. Every time I think of him or see him, even of its just a picture, I can't help but smile. Every time he gets brought up I can't help but smile and look like an idiot. But then when I start thinking more about it and him I get sad because I know I only have like a 2% chance of him ever feeling the same way. I know I can't tell him how I feel and I know he will probably never feel the same but I can't stop. It's frustrating. I told myself I wouldn't do this anymore but it's so much worse this time. I've never felt this way and honestly it scares the crap out of me because I don't want to be hurt again, and I don't know if I can handle having more to be sad about right now. I don't know...it's whatever. I guess for now I'm just going to go with the flow and if it happens to work out then great but I'm not counting on it.
~Cait
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Sept20, 2012
Hey sorry it's been a while, it's been a hectic couple of weeks. I know my last couple of posts were kind of downers and I apologize, but that's why I created this blog. I'm not great at expressing myself in person, so I got this to write down how I'm feeling, especially when I am not able to just tell someone how I am feeling. However, I also got it to tell about the good times, I've always been bad at keeping diaries or journals but I want something I can look back on in the future. This blog isn't written to make anyone feel bad for me on the crappy days or make people jealous on the awesome days. I didn't start it hoping that a ton of people would read it. I write it simply for me and so that if there's even one person reading this, then at least one person will know how I feel about everything...
This last week has been one of the worst and best all at the same time. I'm not going to go into a ton of details because well honestly, it's 1 am and I have to get up in 6 hours and because some of the details I wouldn't mind forgetting. Last Monday my best friend's older brother passed away, he had ALS which is another type of MD. He didn't know he had it until last year, but it progressed extremely fast. I didn't know him well, I never actually met him in person, but I interviewed him for a class one time and he was talked of often by his brother. I was extremely upset by his passing to say the least. The next day another close friend of mine had a death in the family, her uncle. I did know him at all, I don't even know his name, but it still hurt me that she was having to go through this, that they both were. Wednesday I had a meltdown. It was about Bethany again, and just death in general. It was pretty bad. I think it finally just sank in. You know the different stages of grief? Well I went through the denial stage, I didn't believe she was really gone, then the anger stage, I couldn't believe this actually happened and didn't understand why it did, then was the bargaining stage, all I could think was I'd do anything just to see her one last time. I think the depression stage hit me on Wednesday. It was quite possibly the worst pain I've ever experienced and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Since then I just feel like there's this emptiness inside of me, like no matter what I do I still feel sad and alone, like it's not going to get any easier. But it will. The final stage is acceptance. I know it's going to take a while but I'm hoping I make it to this stage somewhat soon.
Muscular Dystrophy has taken many lives this year, and I can't help but think...who's next? I'm honestly terrified of who it's going to take next. I talked to my dad about this a couple months ago and when I mentioned this he asked if I was scared it was going to be me. I'm not. I'm not scared that it could be me that is next. I'm honestly just scared it could be one of my friends. I honestly don't know if I could handle losing another person any time soon.
But on to happier things. Friday Natalie and Leah came to spend the night. We had so much fun! We went to eat at Qdoba then came back to make cookies, then we went out Cleo's (a bar in the village). Allen and Sifat joined us. It was just what I needed. The next day we went to IHOP and the mall, and then just came back and watched Crazy Stupid Love. I had so much fun and am so glad they decided to come visit.
Saturday held way too much drama and some stuff went down with a different group of people, but I'm not going to talk about that because it's over with and everyone's fine now so I just want to move on...
Monday my mom and Macy came up to visit. We went to Red Lobster and it was probably the greatest meal of my life. They had the endless shrimp deal going on so I got shrimp alfredo and garlic shrimp scampi, both were fantastically wonderful, as well as a strawberry pina colada. It was amazing and it was great seeing them.
Other than that everything has been pretty normal. Classes, homework, meetings, One Tree Hill, and round table pretty much consume my life right now, but I love it. Well, maybe not the homework or classes but everything else is great. I have great friends and we're having a great time. I will explain round table and my new One Tree Hill obsession at a later time, I'm going to sleep. Night <3
~Cait :)
This last week has been one of the worst and best all at the same time. I'm not going to go into a ton of details because well honestly, it's 1 am and I have to get up in 6 hours and because some of the details I wouldn't mind forgetting. Last Monday my best friend's older brother passed away, he had ALS which is another type of MD. He didn't know he had it until last year, but it progressed extremely fast. I didn't know him well, I never actually met him in person, but I interviewed him for a class one time and he was talked of often by his brother. I was extremely upset by his passing to say the least. The next day another close friend of mine had a death in the family, her uncle. I did know him at all, I don't even know his name, but it still hurt me that she was having to go through this, that they both were. Wednesday I had a meltdown. It was about Bethany again, and just death in general. It was pretty bad. I think it finally just sank in. You know the different stages of grief? Well I went through the denial stage, I didn't believe she was really gone, then the anger stage, I couldn't believe this actually happened and didn't understand why it did, then was the bargaining stage, all I could think was I'd do anything just to see her one last time. I think the depression stage hit me on Wednesday. It was quite possibly the worst pain I've ever experienced and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Since then I just feel like there's this emptiness inside of me, like no matter what I do I still feel sad and alone, like it's not going to get any easier. But it will. The final stage is acceptance. I know it's going to take a while but I'm hoping I make it to this stage somewhat soon.
Muscular Dystrophy has taken many lives this year, and I can't help but think...who's next? I'm honestly terrified of who it's going to take next. I talked to my dad about this a couple months ago and when I mentioned this he asked if I was scared it was going to be me. I'm not. I'm not scared that it could be me that is next. I'm honestly just scared it could be one of my friends. I honestly don't know if I could handle losing another person any time soon.
But on to happier things. Friday Natalie and Leah came to spend the night. We had so much fun! We went to eat at Qdoba then came back to make cookies, then we went out Cleo's (a bar in the village). Allen and Sifat joined us. It was just what I needed. The next day we went to IHOP and the mall, and then just came back and watched Crazy Stupid Love. I had so much fun and am so glad they decided to come visit.
Saturday held way too much drama and some stuff went down with a different group of people, but I'm not going to talk about that because it's over with and everyone's fine now so I just want to move on...
Monday my mom and Macy came up to visit. We went to Red Lobster and it was probably the greatest meal of my life. They had the endless shrimp deal going on so I got shrimp alfredo and garlic shrimp scampi, both were fantastically wonderful, as well as a strawberry pina colada. It was amazing and it was great seeing them.
Other than that everything has been pretty normal. Classes, homework, meetings, One Tree Hill, and round table pretty much consume my life right now, but I love it. Well, maybe not the homework or classes but everything else is great. I have great friends and we're having a great time. I will explain round table and my new One Tree Hill obsession at a later time, I'm going to sleep. Night <3
~Cait :)
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Sept6, 2012
Have I ever mentioned some of the things I was considering doing with my life? Like what I want to do or be "when I grow up"? Well let me just tell you I have multiple things and I still am not sure what I want to do. As of right now I am going for Fashion Merchandising, I switched from Apparel Design. I had to switch because the sewing classes were getting to be too exhausting. I would love to work for a famous designer or fashion magazine and work my way up to having my own line, it's just going to be hard to do so when I'm limited in what I can physically do. However, I've always loved music and that's my true passion but I don't know what I would do with that. The ultimate dream would be singing either on Broadway or in a band but let's be honest, how many people have you ever seen in a wheelchair on Broadway? Plus I'm not exactly a good singer, I think I could be better with practice but at this point it's not happening. So singing is kind of out of the question even though it's my favorite thing to do. I've also considered teaching but I want to teach younger kids and I just don't think I'd be able to do it. What if I have a wild kid who tries doing something and I need to grab them to stop them? I wouldn't be able to. I've also considered doing something in astronomy. I love astronomy and I'm good at math. You know those movies where it shows a bunch of people working for NASA? I think that'd be cool, to be a part of historic events like sending people to space. I could physically do this job but I'm not like super smart and it'd be hard to actually get a job like that. Plus I'm afraid I'd get bored after a while with that if nothing exciting is going on. I've also, more than anything, always wanted to do something to help people or the world. I can't be a doctor because I can't deal with bodily fluids or with people dying. I want to be involved with WWF, the World Wildlife Fund, but I can help with this no matter what I end up doing, I just don't know if I want to work for them or just help them while doing something. And finally, what I want to do more than anything...is be a lawyer for the military. I've always wanted to be a lawyer but about ten years ago I decided I wanted to be one for the military. Since I can't physically fight for this country I want to fight for those who do. Freshman year I decided that's what I really want to do, so I emailed the army website, to the recruiters, asking if I'd be able do this while being physically disabled. I was told no, and that basically I couldn't do anything for or with them because I can't do basic training. This really upset me and to this day still does. It makes me sad that I want to help them so much and defend them but I can't because I can't do push ups, etc..
I don't mean to make anyone upset by this or make anyone feel bad for me. That's not at all what I intended. I just simply needed to vent about this. It really gets to me sometimes because the couple of things I really want to do I can't physically do. I try not to be down about my disease but once in a while it just really upsets me. Today is one of those days. If you have any suggestions on what I should do with my life please let me know, because as of right now I don't really have a plan and I'm getting pretty nervous about going out into the real world without having a clue as to what I really want to do.
~Cait
I don't mean to make anyone upset by this or make anyone feel bad for me. That's not at all what I intended. I just simply needed to vent about this. It really gets to me sometimes because the couple of things I really want to do I can't physically do. I try not to be down about my disease but once in a while it just really upsets me. Today is one of those days. If you have any suggestions on what I should do with my life please let me know, because as of right now I don't really have a plan and I'm getting pretty nervous about going out into the real world without having a clue as to what I really want to do.
~Cait
Monday, September 3, 2012
Sept3, 2012
You know those days where you just don't feel good enough? Well I'm having one of those days. As some of you know I have bad self esteem and confidence problems. I often have difficulty accepting myself the way I am. It gets better and worse just depending on the day and what goes on. What brought this up was a couple of things. Every time I hear guys talk about how "hot" a girl is it makes me upset. It's always about the obviously gorgeous girls who are skinny, have perfect hair, etc. It's not like I'm sad because I like the guys saying these things, it's just that I'm jealous? I guess that's the word I am going to use. It just makes me feel awful, like I'm not any of those things. I've never been told I'm beautiful or anything of the sort from a guy, and to my knowledge no one has ever liked me. I guess what I'm saying is it would be nice to be the one that guys like for once. The other thing was me and a couple of friends were talking about guys we like and they kept saying how guys were dumb but the whole time I was thinking about the guy I like and it made me sad because I don't think he'd ever feel the same, I don't think I'd ever be good enough for him. I know I don't know till I try but I think if I try it would make it weird for more than just the two of us. I can't really go into detail because I don't know who all reads this and I don't want them to find out. Not right now at least...
~Cait
~Cait
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Aug 29, 2012
Next list...Favorite bands, musicians, etc.
5. Panic! At The Disco
4. Fall Out Boy
3. He Is We
2. Hey Monday
1. We Are The In Crowd
5. Panic! At The Disco
4. Fall Out Boy
3. He Is We
2. Hey Monday
1. We Are The In Crowd
Monday, August 27, 2012
Aug27, 2012
Hey, I don't have a whole lot to update about, I just felt like I needed to write something in here...Since not a whole lot is going on as of right now, I think I'm going to do a couple different things. I am going to put some of my 'favorites' on here such as movies, music, tv, books, etc. just so you guys can get to know me a little more. I'm also going to make a list of goals, whether it's for this week, this month or just sometime in my life. I'm going to get that all figured out and then post it later. For now I'm just going to talk about my favorite movies. I'm really bad at deciding which is my favorite but this is the order I'm going with for today, also, no Disney movies are in this list because that's a whole different category, so here it is...
15. Moulin Rouge - This movie is so good! I love Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman! It's a love story musical, which you will come to see many of my favorites are.
14. The Devil Wears Prada - Anne Hathaway, Emily Blunt, Adrian Grenier, Stanley Tucci, and Meryl Streep, what's not to love?! This is an awesome movie about working in the fashion world, so of course I love it!
13. Crazy Stupid Love - This movie is packed with some really awesome actors/actresses. It has Emma Stone, Ryan Gosling, Steve Carell, Julianne Moore, Kevin Bacon and many others.
12. Mean Girls - "It is so fetch!" No but seriously, this movie is hilarious and I quote it at least once a day. It stars a couple of my favorite actresses, Rachel McAdams and Amanda Seyfreid, and of course Tina Fey and Amy Poehler just make it even more hilarious!
11. Water For Elephants -This movie is sooo good! It's very sad at parts but it's worth it because the story is wonderful. Robert Pattinson and Reese Witherspoon are perfect for it and did a great job. I encourage everyone to watch it.
10. 27 Dresses -I love this movie so much! Katherine Heigel and James Marsden are awesome, and it's just a great, funny movie.
9. Hunger Games - This movie is just awesome!! It's so amazing, go watch it if you haven't seen it!!
8. Easy A - This movie has some of my favorite actors and actresses like Emma Stone, Amanda Bynes, Cam Gigandet, Lisa Kudrow, Aly Michalka, Penn Badgley, Thomas Haden Church and of course Stanley Tucci! It's hilarious and I would definitely recommend it!
7. Meet Me In St Louis - Judy Garland is one of my all time favorite actresses and this is one of her best movies. The story is great, the music is great, it's just overall amazing.
6. Burlesque - Christina Aguilera, Cher, Cam Gigandet, Kristen Bell and Stanley Tucci yet again make this movie awesome. It reminds me of Moulin Rouge a lot but it's so different at the same time. The soundtrack is probably one of my favorite cds of all time, it's really good.
5. Sweet Home Alabama - This is the movie that I can watch over and over and never get sick of it. Reese Witherspoon, Patrick Dempsey and Josh Lucas make it even better. It's one of those movies I watch every time I know it's on tv and I know all the words to it...It's great!
4. Pride And Prejudice - This movie is just...amazing. It's very slow and if you don't like movies about that time period you will be completely bored, but it has such a great love story. I love how they go from not being able to stand each other to loving each other. Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfadyen are wonderful together, and Donald Sutherland is just awesome.
3. Titanic - I love Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio, they're amazing. It's the ultimate, tragic love story. Spoiler Alert Warning!! If you need that warning though I am very disappointed and you need to go watch this like ASAP. Everytime I watch it I still hope Leo won't die in the end...it's just so sad.
2. The Wizard Of Oz - I don't even know what to say about this one. It's fantastic and if you haven't seen it I'm afraid I can't talk to you until you go watch it. It's the classic story about there being "no place like home" and appreciating what you have. It also has great, catchy music, and of course Judy Garland!
1. Phantom Of The Opera - The newer version with Gerard Butler, Emmy Rossum, Patrick Wilson and Minnie Driver. This movie is just so wonderful. I love it so much, and the music is amazing. I even have the soundtrack. I would definitely suggest watching this, it's my all time favorite and it has been for years. It's a love story with suspence, action and singing. What could be better?
15. Moulin Rouge - This movie is so good! I love Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman! It's a love story musical, which you will come to see many of my favorites are.
14. The Devil Wears Prada - Anne Hathaway, Emily Blunt, Adrian Grenier, Stanley Tucci, and Meryl Streep, what's not to love?! This is an awesome movie about working in the fashion world, so of course I love it!
13. Crazy Stupid Love - This movie is packed with some really awesome actors/actresses. It has Emma Stone, Ryan Gosling, Steve Carell, Julianne Moore, Kevin Bacon and many others.
12. Mean Girls - "It is so fetch!" No but seriously, this movie is hilarious and I quote it at least once a day. It stars a couple of my favorite actresses, Rachel McAdams and Amanda Seyfreid, and of course Tina Fey and Amy Poehler just make it even more hilarious!
11. Water For Elephants -This movie is sooo good! It's very sad at parts but it's worth it because the story is wonderful. Robert Pattinson and Reese Witherspoon are perfect for it and did a great job. I encourage everyone to watch it.
10. 27 Dresses -I love this movie so much! Katherine Heigel and James Marsden are awesome, and it's just a great, funny movie.
9. Hunger Games - This movie is just awesome!! It's so amazing, go watch it if you haven't seen it!!
8. Easy A - This movie has some of my favorite actors and actresses like Emma Stone, Amanda Bynes, Cam Gigandet, Lisa Kudrow, Aly Michalka, Penn Badgley, Thomas Haden Church and of course Stanley Tucci! It's hilarious and I would definitely recommend it!
7. Meet Me In St Louis - Judy Garland is one of my all time favorite actresses and this is one of her best movies. The story is great, the music is great, it's just overall amazing.
6. Burlesque - Christina Aguilera, Cher, Cam Gigandet, Kristen Bell and Stanley Tucci yet again make this movie awesome. It reminds me of Moulin Rouge a lot but it's so different at the same time. The soundtrack is probably one of my favorite cds of all time, it's really good.
5. Sweet Home Alabama - This is the movie that I can watch over and over and never get sick of it. Reese Witherspoon, Patrick Dempsey and Josh Lucas make it even better. It's one of those movies I watch every time I know it's on tv and I know all the words to it...It's great!
4. Pride And Prejudice - This movie is just...amazing. It's very slow and if you don't like movies about that time period you will be completely bored, but it has such a great love story. I love how they go from not being able to stand each other to loving each other. Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfadyen are wonderful together, and Donald Sutherland is just awesome.
3. Titanic - I love Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio, they're amazing. It's the ultimate, tragic love story. Spoiler Alert Warning!! If you need that warning though I am very disappointed and you need to go watch this like ASAP. Everytime I watch it I still hope Leo won't die in the end...it's just so sad.
2. The Wizard Of Oz - I don't even know what to say about this one. It's fantastic and if you haven't seen it I'm afraid I can't talk to you until you go watch it. It's the classic story about there being "no place like home" and appreciating what you have. It also has great, catchy music, and of course Judy Garland!
1. Phantom Of The Opera - The newer version with Gerard Butler, Emmy Rossum, Patrick Wilson and Minnie Driver. This movie is just so wonderful. I love it so much, and the music is amazing. I even have the soundtrack. I would definitely suggest watching this, it's my all time favorite and it has been for years. It's a love story with suspence, action and singing. What could be better?
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Aug22, 2012
Hey! I am all moved back into Ball State! I moved back in last Saturday, I got to move in early because I was a part of Opening Committee for the residence hall I live in. For those of you who don't know a residence hall is what most people often mistakenly call a dorm. A dorm is where you sleep, a residence hall is where you live. Wow...I hang out with way too many people involved in housing and residence life hahaha. Anyway, back to Opening Committee, I basically had a blast! I made many new friends and became closer to those I already knew but wasn't super close to. We have been having so much fun! Oh and I also have my van here this year so it's been pretty fun going to do all these random things. We've gone out to eat, to the mall, to Wal-Mart at midnight to get The Hunger Games, etc. Let me just tell you, that Wal-Mart trip was fun but exhausting! We had all gotten up early to do check ins and then we didn't get back till 2 am and had to get up and ready to do check ins again by like 8 am. We all got so much stuff that they literally got one of the move in carts here to bring in all the stuff. Opening Committee put on 2 programs for opening week. There was an ice cream social/game night which turned into a huge dance party. We learned the Interlude dance, which is kind of my new obsession. If you haven't heard of it go YouTube it, the song is Interlude by Attack Attack and there's a real easy dance to it but when there's a whole room doing it it looks awesome. The next night we had karaoke, which was also a ton of fun. So many people showed up to these events, it was crazy! I hope we can get people out like that for Hall Council events and programs.
Sunday we had got together and had waffles, it was like the waffle sales we always have but it was just for us and they were free. It was pretty fun. Monday was the first day of classes. I only had one, family wellness. It seems like it's going to be a pretty easy class, kind of like a health class but also about families. That evening a few of us went to the Student Center, I didn't eat because I was getting dinner later with Matt but I went and hung out while the others ate. We then came back and chilled by the couches, it was before or close to 6 pm. The group got bigger and Matt came over so we ordered pizza and he stayed for a bit but there were like 7 of us that stayed there till after 11 talking. We were there for over 5 hours! We had a lot of good conversations though and we had a lot of fun. Today, well technically now it's yesterday, I had 3 classes. I was nervous because I can't reach the elevator buttons in the buildings where 2 of my classes are. It all worked out though and I think this semester is going to go great. I had my computer class, then lunch with Matt and Bri, then French, and then the study of designers and forecasting. I came back to my room and was talking to my mom because I'm stressing out about money. I then got very upset because a lot has been on my mind lately and I was thinking how I would normally talk to Bethany about this stuff that's bothering me. So then I was really sad and kind of losing it because it's still rough. I started to feel better though after a little while. I decided to check Facebook and stuff when one of my new friends sent me a message asking if I wanted to watch Mean Girls, so the same group that was there for 5 hours yesterday was there again watching that. It was fun and I definitely needed it.
Well I think that's about all for now. I need to go to bed, I have to get up in 6 hours. I'm sure I'll think of more to write after I post this but it'll just have to wait till next time. Night!
~Cait :)
Sunday we had got together and had waffles, it was like the waffle sales we always have but it was just for us and they were free. It was pretty fun. Monday was the first day of classes. I only had one, family wellness. It seems like it's going to be a pretty easy class, kind of like a health class but also about families. That evening a few of us went to the Student Center, I didn't eat because I was getting dinner later with Matt but I went and hung out while the others ate. We then came back and chilled by the couches, it was before or close to 6 pm. The group got bigger and Matt came over so we ordered pizza and he stayed for a bit but there were like 7 of us that stayed there till after 11 talking. We were there for over 5 hours! We had a lot of good conversations though and we had a lot of fun. Today, well technically now it's yesterday, I had 3 classes. I was nervous because I can't reach the elevator buttons in the buildings where 2 of my classes are. It all worked out though and I think this semester is going to go great. I had my computer class, then lunch with Matt and Bri, then French, and then the study of designers and forecasting. I came back to my room and was talking to my mom because I'm stressing out about money. I then got very upset because a lot has been on my mind lately and I was thinking how I would normally talk to Bethany about this stuff that's bothering me. So then I was really sad and kind of losing it because it's still rough. I started to feel better though after a little while. I decided to check Facebook and stuff when one of my new friends sent me a message asking if I wanted to watch Mean Girls, so the same group that was there for 5 hours yesterday was there again watching that. It was fun and I definitely needed it.
Well I think that's about all for now. I need to go to bed, I have to get up in 6 hours. I'm sure I'll think of more to write after I post this but it'll just have to wait till next time. Night!
~Cait :)
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Aug2, 2012
Hey, so I am currently sitting in bed, watching Pretty Little Liars, eating yogurt, and going though other people's blogs. I came across one person's and it kind of upset me. They were talking about how much they didn't like themselves and how they felt like a failure. It brought back all those feelings I had last year and years before. I've been feeling so much better this last year and I'm so grateful, but I have never come across someone feeling those same feelings at least not in current times. People are always like 'yeah I used to feel that way' or something along those lines but I always felt like they were just saying that to be nice or that it was a long time ago so how can they really understand since they were so young? Reading this blog made me realize I'm not alone. I feel so bad for this person because I know what it's like to be in that place. They are only seeing the negatives in their life. They need to see all the positives, they need to realize how great of a friend they are, they're funny, and super nice. I wish they would see all the great things that everyone else does. I hope they see this and feel at least a little better...That's all I have for this time, I'll try to write again soon!
~Cait:)
~Cait:)
Saturday, July 28, 2012
July28, 2012
Well, it's time for another long blog, warning any readers ahead of time. I guess if I did this more often they would be shorter, but I'm just so busy doing all this stuff over summer. You know, like sleeping, watching movies, sketching random crap, sleeping, watching more movies, procrastinating on getting anything on my to do list done, talking to Kesha on Facebook all day everyday, oh and did I mention sleeping? No seriously, I sleep A LOT. Anywho...
A lot has happened since I last wrote. If you've been reading, or if you know me, you know my best friend Bethany passed away last month. It's been extremely hard to deal with but I know she's in a better place. I miss her every day though. The other day I even started to text her...Even though it's hard dealing with the fact that she is no longer here, I have felt so different since then. Almost positive...I know this doesn't make sense, but it's like my depression problems are just gone now. Don't get me wrong, I still get upset when I think of Bethany, but that's it. It's like, when I realized this was all real, that someone could die at such a young age, someone who had so much happiness and love for everyone in the world, I realized life's too short to worry about the little things. I'm done being afraid to speak my mind and be who I want to be. I don't want to live with regrets or what ifs. So from now on I'm going to at least try to always be open and honest about what I want and how I feel.
There was also my 21st birthday. Oh yes, the day finally came. It was a blast of course. A bunch of us went to Bravo again, there were like 20 people there. Then, all but a few people went downtown Indy to go to the bars. I had originally planned on going to Bartini's (a dance club-ish type bar) and then to Howl at the Moon (which is more chill, there's dueling pianos and you just sit and watch), both fun and awesome but I wanted to go in that order because I didn't want to just sit there all night, and I knew if we went to Howl first no one would want to leave there...which is exactly what happened. I was extremely irritated no one listened to me, but I wanted to have a good time. So we all sat in Howl for a few hours, I liked it but it's not the way I wanted to spend my 21st. Your 21st is supposed to be crazy and exciting, ya know? So eventually my cousin Alyssa basically said 'it's your birthday let's go where you want to go'. So I told everyone I was leaving and they were welcome to come with, but they all just left, except Jake and Alyssa. I would say they all went home but from what I heard they all had a giant slumber party, without me...It's whatever, they missed out on a great time. We had a blast at Bartini's! My mom and her boyfriend met up with us there, they had been at a different bar, and we had a great time dancing and having people by me shots hahaha. OH! And there was this ridiculously cute Australian guy who was super nice and totally hitting on Alyssa haha. It was awesome. Then Jake left, and shortly after they started closing down the bar, so we left. My mom, her boyfriend, Alyssa and I stayed in a hotel down the street. I may or may not have thrown up all night...it was so gross.
For my birthday my mom got Meg and I Warped Tour tickets!! We Are The In Crowd, my favorite band, was there...but we missed them. It was so sad. They were the reason I wanted to go so bad. They were one of the first to play though. I missed their signing time too, by like 10 minutes. Later though, while going by some of the merch tables, I saw their drummer, Rob Chianelli, at theirs! I freaked! He signed the bag I bought with their name on it. It was amazing! We saw All Time Low, Taking Back Sunday, Pierce The Veil, and Yellowcard. They were all really good! We left after that though because we were so hot. It was a good sister bonding day. We had a lot of fun, or at least I did!
Then there was the Champion's Cup for Power Soccer. It was in Fort Wayne and it was from Friday-Sunday. I got to the hotel late Thursday night, and our first game was at 9 am the next morning. We lost this game, but then won our second game that afternoon. We then had a team dinner at Chad and Sean's, however, Jc and Natalie came too. It was pretty fun, and it was great seeing everyone again. Natalie and I then went to the end of the baseball game that some of the players from other teams and referees were at, and Jc and Allen came a little later. It was short but fun, the fireworks at the end were pretty freakin awesome. Quite possibly the best fireworks I've ever seen. The next day we tied both of our games. Kesha came to our second game! It was so good seeing her!! After getting back into my normal chair, we went to Taco Bell (where they still had chilli cheese burritos!!!!) and then to the zoo. The zoo was awesome! They had so many animals! My favorite part was the kangaroo walk through, it was a big enclosed area with a path you could go through on, with at least 20 kangaroos! They were all laying down a little bit from the path but they could've come right up to us! We then dropped Kesha off at home and then had the banquet and went shopping. Oh! I forgot to mention, at the hotel they had ridiculously squishy pillows that were absolutely amazing!! So while at the Kohls, Macy and I made it our mission to find pillows like them. So we tried out almost every pillow they had till we finally found some squishy pillows. The next day we had two more game, which we won both! So altogether we won 3, tied 2, and lost 1. We played better than we ever have, we actually looked like a team and that we were working together. Even though we did this well we got seventh place, not great but it keeps us in the division. Plus it was a lot of fun, at least for me, and I think we learned a lot and will be able to do better in the future.
Last weekend was Victoria's birthday! We had a surprise party for her at this cool little park/water park thing. I didn't think I was going to go but finally got it worked out and Meg drove me to meet Natalie. Natalie and I then went to Wal-Mart to get silly string, but neither of could reach it on the bottom shelf. I'm sure it would have been very entertaining if someone was watching us. I was trying to use things, such as one of those long lighters, to pull them closer. They were not only on the bottom shelf but they were in the back of a little box which was pushed back. It was complicated, and no one came by so we couldn't ask anyone for help. So we didn't get any. We then hung out at her parents' house with Jc and Allen till it was time to go to the park. The park was awesome! I mean it was small but it had this little water park thing, it didn't have a pool or anything but it had all sorts of things that were shooting out water, and it was all free! We really need something like that where I live, even I had fun there. It was a lot of fun and I think it really surprised Victoria, she may have known something was going on but not what or who was all going to be there. Then I went and saw her and Natalie's apartment, which I absolutely love! I really want one like it. I think it gave me some motivation to really work hard and graduate soon so I can get out there in the real world and have a place of my own like that.
I also think I'm starting to like someone...I have only told one person and she of course said go for it. As I was telling her though, I thought of someone else. I realized I have been waiting and hoping he'd change his mind and give me a chance, even though I knew that wasn't likely to happen. So I actually asked him. I normally don't do this kind of thing, or I start to and freak out and change my mind. I didn't this time though. I thought of Bethany and how she was always telling me to just tell people how I feel. Like I said in a previous paragraph, I don't want to live with any regrets and I'm sick of not speaking my mind. He told me we wouldn't ever be more than friends, but that we will always be great friends. At first I was a little upset, but then I felt better. After all, this is what I wanted and needed to hear. I'm so glad I talked to him, as stupid as it may have been, and I'm so glad that we're still such good friends. I really have the greatest friends in the world. I don't know what I'd do without them. Now, just because I got the nerve to talk to him about that doesn't mean I'm going to talk to this new guy. He makes me super happy every time I see him, and every time I get a text or something from him I can't help but smile. I don't think he has a clue, and I want to keep it that way, at least for a little while. I wish I could talk to Bethany about it to see what she thinks, but my luck she would just add him on Facebook and tell him herself hahaha, and if you what I'm talking about you know she would. She would tell me just to tell him and see what he says because you never know, but if any of you know me, you know I can't just do that haha. So I'll leave it be and just see what happens.
Wow looking over that, it's been a pretty busy month. It's been crazy at times. There have been some awesome memorable times, but there have also been some of the worst times I have ever been through. Losing Bethany was the roughest thing I've ever been through, but I know she's still here, always looking over me, helping me in the things I'm doing, and always giving me motivation to make the best out of this incredibly short life we have here on Earth.
"I figure life's a gift and I don't intend on wasting it. You don't know what hand you're gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at you, to make each day count." - Jack, Titanic
~Cait:)
A lot has happened since I last wrote. If you've been reading, or if you know me, you know my best friend Bethany passed away last month. It's been extremely hard to deal with but I know she's in a better place. I miss her every day though. The other day I even started to text her...Even though it's hard dealing with the fact that she is no longer here, I have felt so different since then. Almost positive...I know this doesn't make sense, but it's like my depression problems are just gone now. Don't get me wrong, I still get upset when I think of Bethany, but that's it. It's like, when I realized this was all real, that someone could die at such a young age, someone who had so much happiness and love for everyone in the world, I realized life's too short to worry about the little things. I'm done being afraid to speak my mind and be who I want to be. I don't want to live with regrets or what ifs. So from now on I'm going to at least try to always be open and honest about what I want and how I feel.
There was also my 21st birthday. Oh yes, the day finally came. It was a blast of course. A bunch of us went to Bravo again, there were like 20 people there. Then, all but a few people went downtown Indy to go to the bars. I had originally planned on going to Bartini's (a dance club-ish type bar) and then to Howl at the Moon (which is more chill, there's dueling pianos and you just sit and watch), both fun and awesome but I wanted to go in that order because I didn't want to just sit there all night, and I knew if we went to Howl first no one would want to leave there...which is exactly what happened. I was extremely irritated no one listened to me, but I wanted to have a good time. So we all sat in Howl for a few hours, I liked it but it's not the way I wanted to spend my 21st. Your 21st is supposed to be crazy and exciting, ya know? So eventually my cousin Alyssa basically said 'it's your birthday let's go where you want to go'. So I told everyone I was leaving and they were welcome to come with, but they all just left, except Jake and Alyssa. I would say they all went home but from what I heard they all had a giant slumber party, without me...It's whatever, they missed out on a great time. We had a blast at Bartini's! My mom and her boyfriend met up with us there, they had been at a different bar, and we had a great time dancing and having people by me shots hahaha. OH! And there was this ridiculously cute Australian guy who was super nice and totally hitting on Alyssa haha. It was awesome. Then Jake left, and shortly after they started closing down the bar, so we left. My mom, her boyfriend, Alyssa and I stayed in a hotel down the street. I may or may not have thrown up all night...it was so gross.
For my birthday my mom got Meg and I Warped Tour tickets!! We Are The In Crowd, my favorite band, was there...but we missed them. It was so sad. They were the reason I wanted to go so bad. They were one of the first to play though. I missed their signing time too, by like 10 minutes. Later though, while going by some of the merch tables, I saw their drummer, Rob Chianelli, at theirs! I freaked! He signed the bag I bought with their name on it. It was amazing! We saw All Time Low, Taking Back Sunday, Pierce The Veil, and Yellowcard. They were all really good! We left after that though because we were so hot. It was a good sister bonding day. We had a lot of fun, or at least I did!
Then there was the Champion's Cup for Power Soccer. It was in Fort Wayne and it was from Friday-Sunday. I got to the hotel late Thursday night, and our first game was at 9 am the next morning. We lost this game, but then won our second game that afternoon. We then had a team dinner at Chad and Sean's, however, Jc and Natalie came too. It was pretty fun, and it was great seeing everyone again. Natalie and I then went to the end of the baseball game that some of the players from other teams and referees were at, and Jc and Allen came a little later. It was short but fun, the fireworks at the end were pretty freakin awesome. Quite possibly the best fireworks I've ever seen. The next day we tied both of our games. Kesha came to our second game! It was so good seeing her!! After getting back into my normal chair, we went to Taco Bell (where they still had chilli cheese burritos!!!!) and then to the zoo. The zoo was awesome! They had so many animals! My favorite part was the kangaroo walk through, it was a big enclosed area with a path you could go through on, with at least 20 kangaroos! They were all laying down a little bit from the path but they could've come right up to us! We then dropped Kesha off at home and then had the banquet and went shopping. Oh! I forgot to mention, at the hotel they had ridiculously squishy pillows that were absolutely amazing!! So while at the Kohls, Macy and I made it our mission to find pillows like them. So we tried out almost every pillow they had till we finally found some squishy pillows. The next day we had two more game, which we won both! So altogether we won 3, tied 2, and lost 1. We played better than we ever have, we actually looked like a team and that we were working together. Even though we did this well we got seventh place, not great but it keeps us in the division. Plus it was a lot of fun, at least for me, and I think we learned a lot and will be able to do better in the future.
Last weekend was Victoria's birthday! We had a surprise party for her at this cool little park/water park thing. I didn't think I was going to go but finally got it worked out and Meg drove me to meet Natalie. Natalie and I then went to Wal-Mart to get silly string, but neither of could reach it on the bottom shelf. I'm sure it would have been very entertaining if someone was watching us. I was trying to use things, such as one of those long lighters, to pull them closer. They were not only on the bottom shelf but they were in the back of a little box which was pushed back. It was complicated, and no one came by so we couldn't ask anyone for help. So we didn't get any. We then hung out at her parents' house with Jc and Allen till it was time to go to the park. The park was awesome! I mean it was small but it had this little water park thing, it didn't have a pool or anything but it had all sorts of things that were shooting out water, and it was all free! We really need something like that where I live, even I had fun there. It was a lot of fun and I think it really surprised Victoria, she may have known something was going on but not what or who was all going to be there. Then I went and saw her and Natalie's apartment, which I absolutely love! I really want one like it. I think it gave me some motivation to really work hard and graduate soon so I can get out there in the real world and have a place of my own like that.
I also think I'm starting to like someone...I have only told one person and she of course said go for it. As I was telling her though, I thought of someone else. I realized I have been waiting and hoping he'd change his mind and give me a chance, even though I knew that wasn't likely to happen. So I actually asked him. I normally don't do this kind of thing, or I start to and freak out and change my mind. I didn't this time though. I thought of Bethany and how she was always telling me to just tell people how I feel. Like I said in a previous paragraph, I don't want to live with any regrets and I'm sick of not speaking my mind. He told me we wouldn't ever be more than friends, but that we will always be great friends. At first I was a little upset, but then I felt better. After all, this is what I wanted and needed to hear. I'm so glad I talked to him, as stupid as it may have been, and I'm so glad that we're still such good friends. I really have the greatest friends in the world. I don't know what I'd do without them. Now, just because I got the nerve to talk to him about that doesn't mean I'm going to talk to this new guy. He makes me super happy every time I see him, and every time I get a text or something from him I can't help but smile. I don't think he has a clue, and I want to keep it that way, at least for a little while. I wish I could talk to Bethany about it to see what she thinks, but my luck she would just add him on Facebook and tell him herself hahaha, and if you what I'm talking about you know she would. She would tell me just to tell him and see what he says because you never know, but if any of you know me, you know I can't just do that haha. So I'll leave it be and just see what happens.
Wow looking over that, it's been a pretty busy month. It's been crazy at times. There have been some awesome memorable times, but there have also been some of the worst times I have ever been through. Losing Bethany was the roughest thing I've ever been through, but I know she's still here, always looking over me, helping me in the things I'm doing, and always giving me motivation to make the best out of this incredibly short life we have here on Earth.
"I figure life's a gift and I don't intend on wasting it. You don't know what hand you're gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at you, to make each day count." - Jack, Titanic
~Cait:)
Thursday, June 28, 2012
June28, 2012
I've been through a lot of crap in my life but this is the roughest thing I've ever had to deal with. My best friend, Bethany Marie Deane, passed away last night around 7 pm. She also had SMA, but in the last few years had grown significantly weaker and was constantly getting sick. I know that she is no longer in pain and suffering. I know I'm being selfish by wanting her here, but I guess that's normal. It just hurts so bad...I get better for a few but then it comes again at full force. It feels like someone's ripping out my heart and squeezing my lungs to the point where I can't hardly breathe. I find myself just staring out into space and not being able to focus. Tomorrow is my 21st birthday and I'm having dinner with a bunch of friends and then going downtown Indy, but honestly I don't know how fun I'll be. I'm afraid as soon as I see them I'm going to lose it and start crying again. I'm not sure how it's going to go. I know if Bethany were here she would tell me to stop being sad and have fun on my birthday. So I'm going to try but I think it's going to take a while for me to get back to normal...
~Cait
~Cait
Thursday, June 7, 2012
June6, 2012
I'm officially the worst blogger ever, not that anyone probably reads this anyway, but whatever I'm back now! It was a crazy semester but we had some great times as usual. We had some birthdays, where everyone got together, we watched more movies than one can count, there was a stuffed animal wedding, we ate a lot of Mexican food, and had a blast in Indy during Superbowl weekend to name a few things. It was all a lot of fun. I also got a lot more involved on campus. I continued with hall council and power soccer, but I also became a rep for RHA. Superbowl weekend was by far one of the greatest weekends! It was so fun! The Thursday night of that weekend, Donelle, Tyler and I went to the VH1 Pepsi Fan Jam concert at the fairgrounds. It was B.O.B., Gym Class Heroes and The All-American Rejects, with special guest Neon Hitch and Adam Levine!! We then went to IHOP afterwards so we didn't get home till after 1 am, then we got up and Tyler and I left at 5 to go to The Today Show. Gym Class Heroes, Adam Levine, and Neon Hitch were there. It was downtown Indy. We got there like an hour before it started but there were already so many people there. I couldn't see a thing, so Tyler went to see what else was going on or something and came back and told me he walked right next to Adam Levine! If only I had gone with him! So we went back to where he saw him, it was this little area back behind/between some buildings. It was between the back of the building that went out to The Today Show, the place where they were doing interviews for ESPN, and the VIP Lounge where celebs could wait to go to these different things. So we were where they had to walk to get from one to another. We saw a few football players and coaches, (I'm not really sure who), Jimmy Fallon, and Adam Sandler!! We then walked around downtown for a few, looking at all the Superbowl stuff, it was pretty cool. We went back to school after that and relaxed the rest of the day. The next day we were going to get Starbucks and stuff when Donelle found out that Neil Patrick Harris was in Indy. She was freaking out, I was kind of too on the inside. So a bunch of us decided to go back to Indy to try and find him. I didn't go downtown with them though, I actually went to the CMT Fan Jam concert thing with Tyler (he got free tickets), we dropped them all off before we went. We had to wait in the freezing rain for what seemed like hours, but it was worth it. It was a small local band first that was pretty good, and then Sugar Ray! I didn't know they were going to be there! They were awesome! I think I was one of the only people who was really excited for them but I didn't care, I loved them when I was younger! Then it was the actual CMT concert, which was Carrie Underwood and Steven Tyler. They sang mash-ups of their songs together, it was surprisingly really good! Then we picked everyone up and went back to our everyday lives, the excitement was over. We had a lot of fun over the semester. I have the greatest friends ever. I am so lucky to have them all in my life. I honestly don't know what I would do without them. They're all wonderful, and now that it's summer I'm missing them a lot. Hopefully most of them get to go to my birthday dinner in a couple weeks! Well this blog is awkwardly long now so if you're still reading this, you should really go find something else to do, my life is not that interesting, really it isn't. So go now and I'll stop writing. Bye!
~Cait :)
~Cait :)
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Jan26, 2012
Hello...it's been forever since I've just written in here. Things are going pretty well here. Last semester was crazy busy! This semester is much better! I don't have any fashion classes, which means no sewing. I have decided to switch my major to fashion merchandising instead of design, because there was just too much physical work. I think I'll like this though, I'll still be doing what I love but it'll be easier for me. With this major though, I have to pick up either a marketing or entrepreneurship minor. I'm not quite sure which I'm going to do yet. Changing won't put me behind at all, I think I actually may be done on time now actually. I just replace four of the sewing classes for merchandising classes. This year I am doing soccer, FDS, and hall council. This semester, soccer is on Wednesday's as well as Hall Council. I'm trying to balance them though because I love them both. I am so involved this semester! I am treasurer and self-appointed PR for soccer. I am on the PR committee for the upcoming fashion show for FDS. And I am PR for Hall Council. As of last night I am also now an RHA rep for Hall Council. I had my first meeting tonight for it and guess what! I got placed on the PR committee for that too! I think this is a sign...maybe I should major in public relations instead...nah! I just think it's fun. It's now the 27th which means it's Laura's birthday!! So if you're reading this, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! I can't wait for this weekend! Saturday is the NRHH Conference, (which is Disney themed!), and then we are all going out to dinner for Laura and Chad's birthday, his is the 31st! I'm really excited for everyone to be together! And when I say everyone, it literally is almost EVERYONE! It's going to be fun! Ok well I'm going to go for now, I have a test in less than 9 hours, it's in music history though so it should be easy. Night!
~Cait:)
~Cait:)
Sunday, January 22, 2012
NEW BLOG STUFF!
Wow that only took me like 4 months to complete the 30 day letter challenge…fail! Well now I can go back to writing stupid pointless things that probably nobody reads anyway! Yay! Hahaha okay well I’m actually going to bed now, I just wanted to finish that up so it would be over with. NIIIIGHT!!
~Cait :)
~Cait :)
Day 30: Your Reflection In The Mirror
Dear Caitlin,
You’re fine just the way you are. Quit caring about what other people think, it’s not worth it. Just be yourself and people will love you just the way you are, and if they don’t that’s their problem, their loss. Never forget this.
~Caitlin
You’re fine just the way you are. Quit caring about what other people think, it’s not worth it. Just be yourself and people will love you just the way you are, and if they don’t that’s their problem, their loss. Never forget this.
~Caitlin
Day 29: The Person You Want To Tell Everything To But Are Too Afraid
Dear person who shall remain nameless,
I really love having you in my life, you’re one of the greatest friends I’ve ever had. You’re so nice and funny and caring. You make me happy just by talking to me, and make me feel better no matter what’s going on. I wish I could tell you all these things and tell you how much I like you but I’m afraid of messing up this wonderful friendship. It’s happened before and I’m just not willing to take that chance. I wish you would know though, and that you were totally ok with it and maybe felt the same but I know no matter how hard I wish, it isn’t going to come true.
<3 Cait
I really love having you in my life, you’re one of the greatest friends I’ve ever had. You’re so nice and funny and caring. You make me happy just by talking to me, and make me feel better no matter what’s going on. I wish I could tell you all these things and tell you how much I like you but I’m afraid of messing up this wonderful friendship. It’s happened before and I’m just not willing to take that chance. I wish you would know though, and that you were totally ok with it and maybe felt the same but I know no matter how hard I wish, it isn’t going to come true.
<3 Cait
Day 28: Someone That Changed Your Life
Dear Matt,
Oh look at that, another letter…but you really changed my life. You’ve done so much for me that if I listed everything, this letter would be too long to fit on Tumblr. You have helped me overcome so many hardships in my life. You made me realize that a true friend, like you, will always be there for me no matter what and love me for who I am. You made me realize that I’m not alone in this world. You helped me not only physically, anytime I needed something, but emotionally and mentally. I still have those rough days but I know that you are always there for me, along with our other friends. I know I can always come to you when I need something, whether it’s needing help getting in and out of my soccer chair or just needing a hug. You’ve become one of the best friends I could ever imagine. You know me better than anyone else, sometimes even myself. I am so grateful to have you in my life!
Love you,
Caitlin :)
Oh look at that, another letter…but you really changed my life. You’ve done so much for me that if I listed everything, this letter would be too long to fit on Tumblr. You have helped me overcome so many hardships in my life. You made me realize that a true friend, like you, will always be there for me no matter what and love me for who I am. You made me realize that I’m not alone in this world. You helped me not only physically, anytime I needed something, but emotionally and mentally. I still have those rough days but I know that you are always there for me, along with our other friends. I know I can always come to you when I need something, whether it’s needing help getting in and out of my soccer chair or just needing a hug. You’ve become one of the best friends I could ever imagine. You know me better than anyone else, sometimes even myself. I am so grateful to have you in my life!
Love you,
Caitlin :)
Day 27: The Friendliest Person You Knew For Only One Day
Dear random stranger,
You stopped your car on the side of the road and walked about 50 feet across the grass to help me get my notebook off of the sidewalk when nobody else was around. Thank you so much! You were truly the nicest person ever!
~Caitlin :)
You stopped your car on the side of the road and walked about 50 feet across the grass to help me get my notebook off of the sidewalk when nobody else was around. Thank you so much! You were truly the nicest person ever!
~Caitlin :)
Day 26: The Last Person You Made A Pinky Promise To
Dear Matt,
The last pinky promise I made was to you last April. You made me promise to tell you the next time I was feeling sad and depressed, and to talk to you when I get to feeling like doing the things I was doing. I have kept that promise and haven’t done anything since.
<3 Cait :)
The last pinky promise I made was to you last April. You made me promise to tell you the next time I was feeling sad and depressed, and to talk to you when I get to feeling like doing the things I was doing. I have kept that promise and haven’t done anything since.
<3 Cait :)
Day 25: A Person Who Is Going Through The Worst Of Times
Dear Bethany,
I wish you would just get better already! I need you be healthy so we can hang out and do stuff! Your my best friend and I want you to be able to do the things you love and enjoy. This means you can’t be sick anymore.
kthanks, Cait
I wish you would just get better already! I need you be healthy so we can hang out and do stuff! Your my best friend and I want you to be able to do the things you love and enjoy. This means you can’t be sick anymore.
kthanks, Cait
Day 24: The Person Who Gave You Your Favorite Memory
Dear mom,
Meeting Fall Out Boy was basically the greatest day of my life! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<3 Cait
Meeting Fall Out Boy was basically the greatest day of my life! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<3 Cait
Day 23: The Last Person You Kissed
Dear Matt,
All I have to say is…”Oh tequila night”. I think that sums that up.
Love ya, Cait
All I have to say is…”Oh tequila night”. I think that sums that up.
Love ya, Cait
Day 22: Someone Who Deserves A Second Chance
I think everyone deserves a second chance. I can’t think of a specific person right now…
Day 21: Someone You Judged On First Impression
Dear Mother Laura,
The first time I saw you it was my first year at Venture. Up till then I had never met anyone with SMA that was at the same cognitive level as me. I was so intimidated by you but all I wanted to do was talk to you and become friends. I was so scared though. You seemed so much older and serious. Who knew you would become one of my best friends. You are amazing and someone I truly look up to. You’re like the older sister I never had. I love you and am so glad to have you in my life!
<3 Cait
The first time I saw you it was my first year at Venture. Up till then I had never met anyone with SMA that was at the same cognitive level as me. I was so intimidated by you but all I wanted to do was talk to you and become friends. I was so scared though. You seemed so much older and serious. Who knew you would become one of my best friends. You are amazing and someone I truly look up to. You’re like the older sister I never had. I love you and am so glad to have you in my life!
<3 Cait
Day 20: The One Who Broke Your Heart
Dear ……….,
Hi, so we were friends, I liked you, now it’s awkward…typical story. I really wish it wouldn’t have been that way. I thought you of all people would give me a chance and instead you continue to hurt me. I don’t think you do it intentionally but that doesn’t make it feel any better…
-Caitlin
Hi, so we were friends, I liked you, now it’s awkward…typical story. I really wish it wouldn’t have been that way. I thought you of all people would give me a chance and instead you continue to hurt me. I don’t think you do it intentionally but that doesn’t make it feel any better…
-Caitlin
Day 19: Someone You Can’t Get Out Of Your Head
Dear Anonymous,
You are getting quite a few letters on here, but it’s true…I can’t get you out of my head. It doesn’t matter how hard I try, everything reminds me of you. You are one of the few people who truly make me happy in life, no matter what the circumstance. I wish I could tell you how glad I am to have you in my life. You make me feel better about myself, which is hard to do, without even trying. I went months without seeing you but that doesn’t mean I didn’t think about you every day. Not in a weird way, just in a ‘Oh that reminds me of _____’ way. I wish I could tell you all of this but I know I can’t, which is why you will remain anonymous, even in this blog I’m sure you never read.
~Cait :)
You are getting quite a few letters on here, but it’s true…I can’t get you out of my head. It doesn’t matter how hard I try, everything reminds me of you. You are one of the few people who truly make me happy in life, no matter what the circumstance. I wish I could tell you how glad I am to have you in my life. You make me feel better about myself, which is hard to do, without even trying. I went months without seeing you but that doesn’t mean I didn’t think about you every day. Not in a weird way, just in a ‘Oh that reminds me of _____’ way. I wish I could tell you all of this but I know I can’t, which is why you will remain anonymous, even in this blog I’m sure you never read.
~Cait :)
Day 18: The Person You Wish You Could Be
For this day most people probably write to a specific person, like a celebrity or their hero. I, however, am going to do it a little differently.
Dear Me,
I wish you would just be you. Be the best person you could possibly be. Be confident in who you are and don’t be afraid to follow your heart. You are an amazing person but you need to realize this and think it more often. Be kind, thoughtful, passionate, and over all just be you. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that’s not good enough; if they don’t think it’s good enough than they aren’t worth it.
<3 Cait
Dear Me,
I wish you would just be you. Be the best person you could possibly be. Be confident in who you are and don’t be afraid to follow your heart. You are an amazing person but you need to realize this and think it more often. Be kind, thoughtful, passionate, and over all just be you. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that’s not good enough; if they don’t think it’s good enough than they aren’t worth it.
<3 Cait
Day 17: Someone From Childhood
Dear Alyssa,
Hey loser! We were basically inseparable growing up but now I barely see you and it makes me sad…I miss the days when you would come home with me after school like everyday, the good old days when we would play Barbies for literally days at a time and set up basically a whole town and beg my mom to let us keep it all set up, the hide n seek tag at Walmart and Kroger, getting ready for dances, going shopping and spending almost $100 at the candy store right after my birthday, play ‘house’ for hours on end, go around talking in different accents and all the other random crap we used to do. I miss you and wish we hadn’t grown apart. I think we should fix this and see each other more often, and you should definitely come visit me at school sometime!
<3Cait :)
Hey loser! We were basically inseparable growing up but now I barely see you and it makes me sad…I miss the days when you would come home with me after school like everyday, the good old days when we would play Barbies for literally days at a time and set up basically a whole town and beg my mom to let us keep it all set up, the hide n seek tag at Walmart and Kroger, getting ready for dances, going shopping and spending almost $100 at the candy store right after my birthday, play ‘house’ for hours on end, go around talking in different accents and all the other random crap we used to do. I miss you and wish we hadn’t grown apart. I think we should fix this and see each other more often, and you should definitely come visit me at school sometime!
<3Cait :)
Day 16: Someone That’s Not In Your State/Country
Cher Jacques,
Je sais que tu n’as probablement pas me souvenir. Cependent, je me souviens tu beaucoup. Quand je t’ai rencontre je ne savais pas du tout le francais. Mais, maintenant je suis etudiant le francais a l’universite a Ball State. I am switching to English now. I don’t know how correct all that is but I think it’s funny how I haven’t really talked to you since before I knew any French. I wish I knew how to get ahold of you now but I don’t even remember your last name…I miss you though and hope you are doing well!
~Caitlin
Je sais que tu n’as probablement pas me souvenir. Cependent, je me souviens tu beaucoup. Quand je t’ai rencontre je ne savais pas du tout le francais. Mais, maintenant je suis etudiant le francais a l’universite a Ball State. I am switching to English now. I don’t know how correct all that is but I think it’s funny how I haven’t really talked to you since before I knew any French. I wish I knew how to get ahold of you now but I don’t even remember your last name…I miss you though and hope you are doing well!
~Caitlin
Day 15: The Person You Miss The Most
BETHANY!!!!!
I miss your face!! I need to visit you or you need to visit me!! That’s all :)
<3 Cait
I miss your face!! I need to visit you or you need to visit me!! That’s all :)
<3 Cait
Day 14: Someone You’ve Drifted Away From
Dear Kesha,
I miss you! We became friends way back in like 2007 ish? I can’t even remember which year. I had so much fun that first year at Venture. You were my first real close friend at camp that I’d ever made and I’m so glad! It hasn’t even been 5 years, if that is the right year, but it feels like I’ve known you my whole life. We’ve definitely had our ups and downs but when it comes down to it, you’re one of my best friends and I wouldn’t trade that for the world! We’ve made it together through a lot of crap and I know you’ll always be there for me, just like I will for you. I’m so glad we met! I love yooooou!
~Cait:)
I miss you! We became friends way back in like 2007 ish? I can’t even remember which year. I had so much fun that first year at Venture. You were my first real close friend at camp that I’d ever made and I’m so glad! It hasn’t even been 5 years, if that is the right year, but it feels like I’ve known you my whole life. We’ve definitely had our ups and downs but when it comes down to it, you’re one of my best friends and I wouldn’t trade that for the world! We’ve made it together through a lot of crap and I know you’ll always be there for me, just like I will for you. I’m so glad we met! I love yooooou!
~Cait:)
Day 13: Someone You Wish Could Forgive You
Dear Meg,
Hey! So I’m writing to you to ask you to forgive me. Growing up being constantly sick, you were kind of neglected. I have always felt awful for this. I know it wasn’t my fault I was sick but that doesn’t make it any better. You got pushed around from house to house, and you never had anything constant in your life. I have always felt guilty about this and honestly it has been one of the causes of my emotional problems. I wish you could forgive me and that we wouldn’t fight as much. I love you!
Cait :)
Hey! So I’m writing to you to ask you to forgive me. Growing up being constantly sick, you were kind of neglected. I have always felt awful for this. I know it wasn’t my fault I was sick but that doesn’t make it any better. You got pushed around from house to house, and you never had anything constant in your life. I have always felt guilty about this and honestly it has been one of the causes of my emotional problems. I wish you could forgive me and that we wouldn’t fight as much. I love you!
Cait :)
Day 12: A Person Who Caused You Pain
Dear Jordon,
You were one of my best friends. I miss you so much. I met you way back in like kindergarten and we’ve been friends ever since. In the sixth grade you started going out with someone and I got really upset. I couldn’t figure out why I was so mad. I soon realized I was extremely jealous. You were the nicest, funniest person I knew, and you were one of the few who didn’t treat me differently. You acted the same around me no matter how old we got or how others treated me. You were constantly there for me and I wouldn’t have changed that for anything. In high school I was told that a friend told you I liked you and it seemed like after that you didn’t want to be friends. I don’t know if this is really what happened but it’s what I always thought was what caused us to start drifting apart. Then when I quit choir I hardly got to see you and we really stopped hanging out. The last time I remember really hanging out with you was at my 16th birthday party. It really hurt when I thought you didn’t want to be friends anymore, and it still upsets me to this day. We went from being super close friends to nothing. I haven’t talked to you in over a year and I haven’t seen you since graduation two and a half years ago. I really miss you and wish you could somehow see this.
Love always,
Cait :)
You were one of my best friends. I miss you so much. I met you way back in like kindergarten and we’ve been friends ever since. In the sixth grade you started going out with someone and I got really upset. I couldn’t figure out why I was so mad. I soon realized I was extremely jealous. You were the nicest, funniest person I knew, and you were one of the few who didn’t treat me differently. You acted the same around me no matter how old we got or how others treated me. You were constantly there for me and I wouldn’t have changed that for anything. In high school I was told that a friend told you I liked you and it seemed like after that you didn’t want to be friends. I don’t know if this is really what happened but it’s what I always thought was what caused us to start drifting apart. Then when I quit choir I hardly got to see you and we really stopped hanging out. The last time I remember really hanging out with you was at my 16th birthday party. It really hurt when I thought you didn’t want to be friends anymore, and it still upsets me to this day. We went from being super close friends to nothing. I haven’t talked to you in over a year and I haven’t seen you since graduation two and a half years ago. I really miss you and wish you could somehow see this.
Love always,
Cait :)
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