I've been through a lot of crap in my life but this is the roughest thing I've ever had to deal with. My best friend, Bethany Marie Deane, passed away last night around 7 pm. She also had SMA, but in the last few years had grown significantly weaker and was constantly getting sick. I know that she is no longer in pain and suffering. I know I'm being selfish by wanting her here, but I guess that's normal. It just hurts so bad...I get better for a few but then it comes again at full force. It feels like someone's ripping out my heart and squeezing my lungs to the point where I can't hardly breathe. I find myself just staring out into space and not being able to focus. Tomorrow is my 21st birthday and I'm having dinner with a bunch of friends and then going downtown Indy, but honestly I don't know how fun I'll be. I'm afraid as soon as I see them I'm going to lose it and start crying again. I'm not sure how it's going to go. I know if Bethany were here she would tell me to stop being sad and have fun on my birthday. So I'm going to try but I think it's going to take a while for me to get back to normal...
~Cait
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