To eat or not to eat? Why is that always the question?
This week is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week as well as Self-Injury/Suicide Awareness Week. Great, so let's focus on my two of my biggest problems in the same week...
I haven't cut in almost 4 months and before that it had been a year and a half. I think I'm doing very well with that and am proud of myself. I do not believe I have an eating disorder. However, I am very aware that I have an eating problem. I've talked about it before so I'm not going to go into detail.
This week is making me aware of these issues though. Especially the eating problem. It's making me very self-conscious about what I eat to the point where I'm almost scared to eat with my friends out in dining or wherever. I don't want to draw attention to myself and I feel like since all these events are going on this week it'll be easier to notice it, if that makes sense... I don't know how to explain it. I'm not very good at expressing myself especially through writing. I guess I just don't want people to think I have an eating disorder because I don't. I'm working on it but it takes time. I can't just go from barely eating to eating a normal amount in one day. It's going to take time. So I hope you all are patient with me and supportive as I work through this on my own.
As for the self injury thing, I've done it once in almost two years and I regretted it instantly. It was stupid and I realized that. I've thought about it a couple times but with the help of some amazing friends I've gotten past those feelings.
I'm currently happier than I've ever been. I am not sure what really changed but I'm glad it did. It's been like this for a few weeks now. I didn't want to say anything because the last time I felt like this, as soon as I said something about it something happened to make me feel like crap again. Not this time. I won't let it happen again. Sure, some days are bad but I'm sick of it being everyday so I'm just not going to let it! I'll keep you updated but for now I'm happy, I'm working on some of those problems, and I'm so grateful to have the support from the best group of friends in the world!
~Caitlin :)
Monday, February 25, 2013
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Feb10, 2013
As I'm getting older my friends are graduating from college. I should be but with not doing so well and changing my major I am a little behind. I don't have a problem staying here longer, I love it here. However, it's hard with all my friends graduating. It was really hard with Natalie graduating, and then Laura, Daniel, and Nick. But I still see or talk to at least Natalie and Nick quite a bit. This year is going to be extremely difficult though. So many of my close friends are leaving, some that I've been friends with for years and some that I've just started getting closer with in the last year or so. These are the people I'm going to talk about in this post.
Donelle, Donnie, Don Don, etc. We met my freshman year and started talking one day because we were wearing the same Paramore shirt from the same concert. This started our friendship. We discovered we were at the same concert and that you could actually see me in the back of one your pictures sitting behind you a bit. We bonded over music and this brought us together. It wasn't until the following year that we really started hanging out though. I have so many great memories with you and am going to miss you so much!
Ashley. We didn't really start hanging out until last year but we didn't officially ever make plans with each other until this year, and now we eat lunch together almost every day. I'm so glad that I got to know you and that we've become closer friends. Whenever I'm upset and tweet about it or anything negative you are always one of the first and few to text me, either asking me if I am okay or simply telling me to smile. I am so grateful that you are always there for me. I'm going to miss you!
Shannon. I always remember meeting you and Brandon in Tyler's room, everyone being awkward and not talking to each other. I'm so glad that changed. I'll always remember sitting out at the desk, ordering too much pizza, painting nails, and watching countless movies with you, and don't forget failing at making everyone ornaments. I'm glad we became such good friends and I'm really going to miss you!
ALLEN! I am going to miss yelling at you every time I see you. I can't believe you're graduating. I've lived next to you since I was a freshman and I really can't imagine you not being here. I don't want someone taking your room next to me. We haven't hung out as much this year as we used to but when we do it's like nothing has changed, like we never stopped hanging out. I'm going to miss you!
Belle. SWU! I've been friends with you the longest, which is why this is so hard to write. I can't believe we met almost 7 years ago. We didn't become friends right away, we did the next year, and it really helped knowing someone when coming here. I feel like I've known you forever and I really can't believe you're leaving. I have so many great memories with you, not just from school but from camp as well. I'll always remember seeing you at Target that first summer I met you, right after camp. I didn't go say hi though because I didn't know if you knew who I was. I hope we continue to be such great friends, I'm going to miss you!
Michael Mike. I'm so glad to have gotten know you better in the last year. I'm so thankful for all you do for me whether it was coming to plug my chair in or push me every time it died last semester, picking up my phone for me constantly, or spraying my wheels when they start getting obnoxiously loud. I love all your random facts that you always have for us all the time and watching movies in your room. I'm going to miss you!
Briiiiiiiiiiiii Cheeeeese. I guess I'll start with the fact that I can't believe we've lived in the same town our whole lives, lived in the same neighborhood and hung out at the same pool for years but didn't become friends until sophmore year here. I'm very glad that we finally did though! You're such a wonderful person. I love going out to the bars with you and of course Puerto's Fridays, even though those don't happen anymore, hopefully they will again soon. I'm really going to miss you!
Ethan. I know we haven't been friends for very long but I felt like I needed to include you in this too. I've known you for a while, because of Abso, but you had no idea who I was. I remember the first time we actually hung out you introduced yourself and I almost said I know when you said your name, but I didn't want to sound like a creeper. I'm glad we became friends, but I wish it would've happened sooner! You crack me up and I love tweeting #shitEthansays, and of course our poking wars until 1-2 in the morning every night. I'm going to miss you!
Tyler. I don't even know where to start with you. We've been friends for over two years now, but I feel like this year we've become even better, closer friends. We've had our share of ups and downs but overall the good definitely outweighs the bad. You've been there for me through so much and I'm so grateful for not only that but also for you constantly inspiring me and pushing me to try harder and to be all that I can. We've had some amazing times together and I hope that we continue to be friends after you graduate. I'm going to miss you!
I'm so grateful for all the good times I've been able to share with each of you. You've impacted my life in one way or another, probably more than you realize. I'm proud of each of you and am happy for you for graduating, I have no doubt that you'll each do very well in whatever you decide to do. I hope that even as you guys leave we stay friends. You've all become some of the best friends I've ever had and I'm really going to miss you!!
~Cait :)
Donelle, Donnie, Don Don, etc. We met my freshman year and started talking one day because we were wearing the same Paramore shirt from the same concert. This started our friendship. We discovered we were at the same concert and that you could actually see me in the back of one your pictures sitting behind you a bit. We bonded over music and this brought us together. It wasn't until the following year that we really started hanging out though. I have so many great memories with you and am going to miss you so much!
Ashley. We didn't really start hanging out until last year but we didn't officially ever make plans with each other until this year, and now we eat lunch together almost every day. I'm so glad that I got to know you and that we've become closer friends. Whenever I'm upset and tweet about it or anything negative you are always one of the first and few to text me, either asking me if I am okay or simply telling me to smile. I am so grateful that you are always there for me. I'm going to miss you!
Shannon. I always remember meeting you and Brandon in Tyler's room, everyone being awkward and not talking to each other. I'm so glad that changed. I'll always remember sitting out at the desk, ordering too much pizza, painting nails, and watching countless movies with you, and don't forget failing at making everyone ornaments. I'm glad we became such good friends and I'm really going to miss you!
ALLEN! I am going to miss yelling at you every time I see you. I can't believe you're graduating. I've lived next to you since I was a freshman and I really can't imagine you not being here. I don't want someone taking your room next to me. We haven't hung out as much this year as we used to but when we do it's like nothing has changed, like we never stopped hanging out. I'm going to miss you!
Belle. SWU! I've been friends with you the longest, which is why this is so hard to write. I can't believe we met almost 7 years ago. We didn't become friends right away, we did the next year, and it really helped knowing someone when coming here. I feel like I've known you forever and I really can't believe you're leaving. I have so many great memories with you, not just from school but from camp as well. I'll always remember seeing you at Target that first summer I met you, right after camp. I didn't go say hi though because I didn't know if you knew who I was. I hope we continue to be such great friends, I'm going to miss you!
Michael Mike. I'm so glad to have gotten know you better in the last year. I'm so thankful for all you do for me whether it was coming to plug my chair in or push me every time it died last semester, picking up my phone for me constantly, or spraying my wheels when they start getting obnoxiously loud. I love all your random facts that you always have for us all the time and watching movies in your room. I'm going to miss you!
Briiiiiiiiiiiii Cheeeeese. I guess I'll start with the fact that I can't believe we've lived in the same town our whole lives, lived in the same neighborhood and hung out at the same pool for years but didn't become friends until sophmore year here. I'm very glad that we finally did though! You're such a wonderful person. I love going out to the bars with you and of course Puerto's Fridays, even though those don't happen anymore, hopefully they will again soon. I'm really going to miss you!
Ethan. I know we haven't been friends for very long but I felt like I needed to include you in this too. I've known you for a while, because of Abso, but you had no idea who I was. I remember the first time we actually hung out you introduced yourself and I almost said I know when you said your name, but I didn't want to sound like a creeper. I'm glad we became friends, but I wish it would've happened sooner! You crack me up and I love tweeting #shitEthansays, and of course our poking wars until 1-2 in the morning every night. I'm going to miss you!
Tyler. I don't even know where to start with you. We've been friends for over two years now, but I feel like this year we've become even better, closer friends. We've had our share of ups and downs but overall the good definitely outweighs the bad. You've been there for me through so much and I'm so grateful for not only that but also for you constantly inspiring me and pushing me to try harder and to be all that I can. We've had some amazing times together and I hope that we continue to be friends after you graduate. I'm going to miss you!
I'm so grateful for all the good times I've been able to share with each of you. You've impacted my life in one way or another, probably more than you realize. I'm proud of each of you and am happy for you for graduating, I have no doubt that you'll each do very well in whatever you decide to do. I hope that even as you guys leave we stay friends. You've all become some of the best friends I've ever had and I'm really going to miss you!!
~Cait :)
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