Well, it's time for another long blog, warning any readers ahead of time. I guess if I did this more often they would be shorter, but I'm just so busy doing all this stuff over summer. You know, like sleeping, watching movies, sketching random crap, sleeping, watching more movies, procrastinating on getting anything on my to do list done, talking to Kesha on Facebook all day everyday, oh and did I mention sleeping? No seriously, I sleep A LOT. Anywho...
A lot has happened since I last wrote. If you've been reading, or if you know me, you know my best friend Bethany passed away last month. It's been extremely hard to deal with but I know she's in a better place. I miss her every day though. The other day I even started to text her...Even though it's hard dealing with the fact that she is no longer here, I have felt so different since then. Almost positive...I know this doesn't make sense, but it's like my depression problems are just gone now. Don't get me wrong, I still get upset when I think of Bethany, but that's it. It's like, when I realized this was all real, that someone could die at such a young age, someone who had so much happiness and love for everyone in the world, I realized life's too short to worry about the little things. I'm done being afraid to speak my mind and be who I want to be. I don't want to live with regrets or what ifs. So from now on I'm going to at least try to always be open and honest about what I want and how I feel.
There was also my 21st birthday. Oh yes, the day finally came. It was a blast of course. A bunch of us went to Bravo again, there were like 20 people there. Then, all but a few people went downtown Indy to go to the bars. I had originally planned on going to Bartini's (a dance club-ish type bar) and then to Howl at the Moon (which is more chill, there's dueling pianos and you just sit and watch), both fun and awesome but I wanted to go in that order because I didn't want to just sit there all night, and I knew if we went to Howl first no one would want to leave there...which is exactly what happened. I was extremely irritated no one listened to me, but I wanted to have a good time. So we all sat in Howl for a few hours, I liked it but it's not the way I wanted to spend my 21st. Your 21st is supposed to be crazy and exciting, ya know? So eventually my cousin Alyssa basically said 'it's your birthday let's go where you want to go'. So I told everyone I was leaving and they were welcome to come with, but they all just left, except Jake and Alyssa. I would say they all went home but from what I heard they all had a giant slumber party, without me...It's whatever, they missed out on a great time. We had a blast at Bartini's! My mom and her boyfriend met up with us there, they had been at a different bar, and we had a great time dancing and having people by me shots hahaha. OH! And there was this ridiculously cute Australian guy who was super nice and totally hitting on Alyssa haha. It was awesome. Then Jake left, and shortly after they started closing down the bar, so we left. My mom, her boyfriend, Alyssa and I stayed in a hotel down the street. I may or may not have thrown up all night...it was so gross.
For my birthday my mom got Meg and I Warped Tour tickets!! We Are The In Crowd, my favorite band, was there...but we missed them. It was so sad. They were the reason I wanted to go so bad. They were one of the first to play though. I missed their signing time too, by like 10 minutes. Later though, while going by some of the merch tables, I saw their drummer, Rob Chianelli, at theirs! I freaked! He signed the bag I bought with their name on it. It was amazing! We saw All Time Low, Taking Back Sunday, Pierce The Veil, and Yellowcard. They were all really good! We left after that though because we were so hot. It was a good sister bonding day. We had a lot of fun, or at least I did!
Then there was the Champion's Cup for Power Soccer. It was in Fort Wayne and it was from Friday-Sunday. I got to the hotel late Thursday night, and our first game was at 9 am the next morning. We lost this game, but then won our second game that afternoon. We then had a team dinner at Chad and Sean's, however, Jc and Natalie came too. It was pretty fun, and it was great seeing everyone again. Natalie and I then went to the end of the baseball game that some of the players from other teams and referees were at, and Jc and Allen came a little later. It was short but fun, the fireworks at the end were pretty freakin awesome. Quite possibly the best fireworks I've ever seen. The next day we tied both of our games. Kesha came to our second game! It was so good seeing her!! After getting back into my normal chair, we went to Taco Bell (where they still had chilli cheese burritos!!!!) and then to the zoo. The zoo was awesome! They had so many animals! My favorite part was the kangaroo walk through, it was a big enclosed area with a path you could go through on, with at least 20 kangaroos! They were all laying down a little bit from the path but they could've come right up to us! We then dropped Kesha off at home and then had the banquet and went shopping. Oh! I forgot to mention, at the hotel they had ridiculously squishy pillows that were absolutely amazing!! So while at the Kohls, Macy and I made it our mission to find pillows like them. So we tried out almost every pillow they had till we finally found some squishy pillows. The next day we had two more game, which we won both! So altogether we won 3, tied 2, and lost 1. We played better than we ever have, we actually looked like a team and that we were working together. Even though we did this well we got seventh place, not great but it keeps us in the division. Plus it was a lot of fun, at least for me, and I think we learned a lot and will be able to do better in the future.
Last weekend was Victoria's birthday! We had a surprise party for her at this cool little park/water park thing. I didn't think I was going to go but finally got it worked out and Meg drove me to meet Natalie. Natalie and I then went to Wal-Mart to get silly string, but neither of could reach it on the bottom shelf. I'm sure it would have been very entertaining if someone was watching us. I was trying to use things, such as one of those long lighters, to pull them closer. They were not only on the bottom shelf but they were in the back of a little box which was pushed back. It was complicated, and no one came by so we couldn't ask anyone for help. So we didn't get any. We then hung out at her parents' house with Jc and Allen till it was time to go to the park. The park was awesome! I mean it was small but it had this little water park thing, it didn't have a pool or anything but it had all sorts of things that were shooting out water, and it was all free! We really need something like that where I live, even I had fun there. It was a lot of fun and I think it really surprised Victoria, she may have known something was going on but not what or who was all going to be there. Then I went and saw her and Natalie's apartment, which I absolutely love! I really want one like it. I think it gave me some motivation to really work hard and graduate soon so I can get out there in the real world and have a place of my own like that.
I also think I'm starting to like someone...I have only told one person and she of course said go for it. As I was telling her though, I thought of someone else. I realized I have been waiting and hoping he'd change his mind and give me a chance, even though I knew that wasn't likely to happen. So I actually asked him. I normally don't do this kind of thing, or I start to and freak out and change my mind. I didn't this time though. I thought of Bethany and how she was always telling me to just tell people how I feel. Like I said in a previous paragraph, I don't want to live with any regrets and I'm sick of not speaking my mind. He told me we wouldn't ever be more than friends, but that we will always be great friends. At first I was a little upset, but then I felt better. After all, this is what I wanted and needed to hear. I'm so glad I talked to him, as stupid as it may have been, and I'm so glad that we're still such good friends. I really have the greatest friends in the world. I don't know what I'd do without them. Now, just because I got the nerve to talk to him about that doesn't mean I'm going to talk to this new guy. He makes me super happy every time I see him, and every time I get a text or something from him I can't help but smile. I don't think he has a clue, and I want to keep it that way, at least for a little while. I wish I could talk to Bethany about it to see what she thinks, but my luck she would just add him on Facebook and tell him herself hahaha, and if you what I'm talking about you know she would. She would tell me just to tell him and see what he says because you never know, but if any of you know me, you know I can't just do that haha. So I'll leave it be and just see what happens.
Wow looking over that, it's been a pretty busy month. It's been crazy at times. There have been some awesome memorable times, but there have also been some of the worst times I have ever been through. Losing Bethany was the roughest thing I've ever been through, but I know she's still here, always looking over me, helping me in the things I'm doing, and always giving me motivation to make the best out of this incredibly short life we have here on Earth.
"I figure life's a gift and I don't intend on wasting it. You don't know
what hand you're gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it
comes at you, to make each day count." - Jack, Titanic
~Cait:)
