Sept6, 2012

Have I ever mentioned some of the things I was considering doing with my life? Like what I want to do or be "when I grow up"? Well let me just tell you I have multiple things and I still am not sure what I want to do. As of right now I am going for Fashion Merchandising, I switched from Apparel Design. I had to switch because the sewing classes were getting to be too exhausting. I would love to work for a famous designer or fashion magazine and work my way up to having my own line, it's just going to be hard to do so when I'm limited in what I can physically do. However, I've always loved music and that's my true passion but I don't know what I would do with that. The ultimate dream would be singing either on Broadway or in a band but let's be honest, how many people have you ever seen in a wheelchair on Broadway? Plus I'm not exactly a good singer, I think I could be better with practice but at this point it's not happening. So singing is kind of out of the question even though it's my favorite thing to do. I've also considered teaching but I want to teach younger kids and I just don't think I'd be able to do it. What if I have a wild kid who tries doing something and I need to grab them to stop them? I wouldn't be able to. I've also considered doing something in astronomy. I love astronomy and I'm good at math. You know those movies where it shows a bunch of people working for NASA? I think that'd be cool, to be a part of historic events like sending people to space. I could physically do this job but I'm not like super smart and it'd be hard to actually get a job like that. Plus I'm afraid I'd get bored after a while with that if nothing exciting is going on. I've also, more than anything, always wanted to do something to help people or the world. I can't be a doctor because I can't deal with bodily fluids or with people dying. I want to be involved with WWF, the World Wildlife Fund, but I can help with this no matter what I end up doing, I just don't know if I want to work for them or just help them while doing something. And finally, what I want to do more than anything...is be a lawyer for the military. I've always wanted to be a lawyer but about ten years ago I decided I wanted to be one for the military. Since I can't physically fight for this country I want to fight for those who do. Freshman year I decided that's what I really want to do, so I emailed the army website, to the recruiters, asking if I'd be able do this while being physically disabled. I was told no, and that basically I couldn't do anything for or with them because I can't do basic training. This really upset me and to this day still does. It makes me sad that I want to help them so much and defend them but I can't because I can't do push ups, etc..

I don't mean to make anyone upset by this or make anyone feel bad for me. That's not at all what I intended. I just simply needed to vent about this. It really gets to me sometimes because the couple of things I really want to do I can't physically do. I try not to be down about my disease but once in a while it just really upsets me. Today is one of those days. If you have any suggestions on what I should do with my life please let me know, because as of right now I don't really have a plan and I'm getting pretty nervous about going out into the real world without having a clue as to what I really want to do.
~Cait