Hey sorry it's been a while, it's been a hectic couple of weeks. I know my last couple of posts were kind of downers and I apologize, but that's why I created this blog. I'm not great at expressing myself in person, so I got this to write down how I'm feeling, especially when I am not able to just tell someone how I am feeling. However, I also got it to tell about the good times, I've always been bad at keeping diaries or journals but I want something I can look back on in the future. This blog isn't written to make anyone feel bad for me on the crappy days or make people jealous on the awesome days. I didn't start it hoping that a ton of people would read it. I write it simply for me and so that if there's even one person reading this, then at least one person will know how I feel about everything...
This last week has been one of the worst and best all at the same time. I'm not going to go into a ton of details because well honestly, it's 1 am and I have to get up in 6 hours and because some of the details I wouldn't mind forgetting. Last Monday my best friend's older brother passed away, he had ALS which is another type of MD. He didn't know he had it until last year, but it progressed extremely fast. I didn't know him well, I never actually met him in person, but I interviewed him for a class one time and he was talked of often by his brother. I was extremely upset by his passing to say the least. The next day another close friend of mine had a death in the family, her uncle. I did know him at all, I don't even know his name, but it still hurt me that she was having to go through this, that they both were. Wednesday I had a meltdown. It was about Bethany again, and just death in general. It was pretty bad. I think it finally just sank in. You know the different stages of grief? Well I went through the denial stage, I didn't believe she was really gone, then the anger stage, I couldn't believe this actually happened and didn't understand why it did, then was the bargaining stage, all I could think was I'd do anything just to see her one last time. I think the depression stage hit me on Wednesday. It was quite possibly the worst pain I've ever experienced and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Since then I just feel like there's this emptiness inside of me, like no matter what I do I still feel sad and alone, like it's not going to get any easier. But it will. The final stage is acceptance. I know it's going to take a while but I'm hoping I make it to this stage somewhat soon.
Muscular Dystrophy has taken many lives this year, and I can't help but think...who's next? I'm honestly terrified of who it's going to take next. I talked to my dad about this a couple months ago and when I mentioned this he asked if I was scared it was going to be me. I'm not. I'm not scared that it could be me that is next. I'm honestly just scared it could be one of my friends. I honestly don't know if I could handle losing another person any time soon.
But on to happier things. Friday Natalie and Leah came to spend the night. We had so much fun! We went to eat at Qdoba then came back to make cookies, then we went out Cleo's (a bar in the village). Allen and Sifat joined us. It was just what I needed. The next day we went to IHOP and the mall, and then just came back and watched Crazy Stupid Love. I had so much fun and am so glad they decided to come visit.
Saturday held way too much drama and some stuff went down with a different group of people, but I'm not going to talk about that because it's over with and everyone's fine now so I just want to move on...
Monday my mom and Macy came up to visit. We went to Red Lobster and it was probably the greatest meal of my life. They had the endless shrimp deal going on so I got shrimp alfredo and garlic shrimp scampi, both were fantastically wonderful, as well as a strawberry pina colada. It was amazing and it was great seeing them.
Other than that everything has been pretty normal. Classes, homework, meetings, One Tree Hill, and round table pretty much consume my life right now, but I love it. Well, maybe not the homework or classes but everything else is great. I have great friends and we're having a great time. I will explain round table and my new One Tree Hill obsession at a later time, I'm going to sleep. Night <3
~Cait :)
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