April21, 2011

Words can not really describe how happy I am right now. Last night was the night I needed. First of all, we had soccer practice which went really well. When we have practice though, I have to get in my soccer chair at like 3 or 4. It's a really comfortable chair and I like it but it's different and it has the controller on the side where as mine is in the middle and it has a bar that goes across that I use to move my arm a lot and without that it's hard to do many things. It's very hard to eat, for example, because I have nothing to lean my arm on so I can't lift it up hardly at all. Anywho, but we were at dinner and I was eating really slow because it was so difficult. My friend Matt, however, thought it was because I didn't want to eat. Oh I forgot to mention last time that I haven't been eating hardly anything in order to feel better. When I eat, I feel gross. I know this is wrong and I can't be starving myself like this, I'm working on it, but that's why Matt thought this. So yeah...But last night I wasn't sitting very comfortably in my chair after soccer because I had slid forward. Matt saw how uncomfortable I was and offered to put me in my normal chair. I said no because I wasn't really comfortable with that. No one besides my parents and aids have ever put me in my chair. Most people hadn't even seen me in my lift before. He eventually talked me into letting him try. I sat in my lift for a good 20-ish minutes. It was hilarious! I was scared for him to actually put me in my chair though because I'm not used to my friends being that close to me, you really have to push me back in order to get me back far enough. He did it though, and he did a great job. We then had a long, intense talk about stuff that's been bothering me. I actually went into details though. But he listened to it all, and he never left me. It felt so good to just get it all out there. When we left my room I was so happy it was ridiculous. I then went to Chad and Tyler's room. I'm not really sure what happened but it ended with Tyler reading my last blog. I left the room, afraid to be in there while he read it. I wasn't sure how he would react. I went to Donelle's room. Her, Matt, Jeremy and I were sitting in there talking when he came in...it looked like he was about to cry. I swear that was not my intent. I just wanted him to know how grateful I was. But yeah...so we talked and hugged and I know now that it's all good. I don't have to worry about him hating me and not wanting to be friends anymore. So it was overall a really good night. I feel sooo much better, and actually happy. A lot happier than I have been in a while. And I'm not faking it now, I'm not lying to myself or others about being happy. So Matt, if you are reading this, thanks! You are my best friend and I love you! As for the rest of you, I could not ask for better and more loving friends. I love you all and it's going to be hard saying goodbye in a couple weeks. But I know we are going to be friends forever, no matter how far we are from each other.
~Cait :D