Hello! This summer is going incredibly fast! I can't believe it's almost the middle of June already. Pretty soon it's going to be my birthday (and we all know how excited I get for my birthday). We're going out to eat and then Natalie, my mom, Lance and I are going to the Fall Out Boy concert! I cannot wait!
It's hard to believe that I'm going to be 22. If you weren't aware, the doctors told my parents I wouldn't live past 2. Guess I proved them wrong, eh? It's crazy, I feel healthier and happier than ever. Sure I still have my sad moments. I may just be feeling like this because it's summertime. Either way, I like it.
I don't really know where I am going with this post. I started with something in mind but can't remember now. I'm bored and felt like typing. I can type so much faster when my laptop is actually in my lap so I feel like I should blog and stuff when I have it like this.
I guess I'll do another list...
Goals for this summer:
1. Read The Great Gatsby
2. Paint at least 3 canvases, and 1 other thing
3. Get caught up on Doctor Who
4. Go without tv, phone, laptop, etc for an entire day
5. Read The Mortal Instruments series
6. Cook something
7. Have a Disney movie marathon with Macy (all day)
8. Drink 1 or less soda a day
9. Go on a walk
10. Have a fantastic birthday
11. Go to the movies (haven't been in a year)
12. Go to the zoo
13. Make more youtube videos
14.Watch all 8 Harry Potter movies in a row
15. Write in blog at least once a week
These are just some goals I have. I will keep you updated on how many I get done. If you have any suggestions for what else I should do please comment below or let me know some other way!
~Cait:)
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Monday, June 3, 2013
June3, 2013
Hello there! I know it's been less than a week since I wrote last, and nothing has really happened since then. Just the usual hanging out, watching movies and such. Nothing exciting has happened... yet in a way something has changed.
Last week I was feeling very down. Almost like I was two years ago. It got pretty bad. I was feeling very lonely, sad, and was just in a very dark place. But today, just within the last hour, I noticed it's gone. I don't know what changed but I'm happy. Very happy.
As you know, I've been struggling with eating problems for several years now. I've lost over 50 pounds since high school, which may not sound like a whole lot but for someone in a wheelchair who can't hardly move and who doesn't like too much healthy food, it is a lot. I've been trying to get on a normal eating pattern. I figured that's the first step. I always eat at least twice a day now, even when I don't want to, even if it's just a little. I think this is helping me. It's definitely helping my energy I think.
I have so much confidence right now, and my self-esteem is higher than it's ever been. I don't know what changed but I'm glad it did. I feel great! I don't really care what others think anymore. I mean, sure, I'll always care about what they think but I'm not going to dwell on it any longer. I'm not going to let it get to me and upset me. It's time to start making me happy instead of worrying about if I'm okay by everyone else's standards. If you don't like me the way I am, that's your loss, I have plenty of friends who love me just the way I am.
I have more confidence now than I ever have. I'm happier than I've been in a long time. I'm looking forward to the future and what it holds for me.
~Cait :)
Last week I was feeling very down. Almost like I was two years ago. It got pretty bad. I was feeling very lonely, sad, and was just in a very dark place. But today, just within the last hour, I noticed it's gone. I don't know what changed but I'm happy. Very happy.
As you know, I've been struggling with eating problems for several years now. I've lost over 50 pounds since high school, which may not sound like a whole lot but for someone in a wheelchair who can't hardly move and who doesn't like too much healthy food, it is a lot. I've been trying to get on a normal eating pattern. I figured that's the first step. I always eat at least twice a day now, even when I don't want to, even if it's just a little. I think this is helping me. It's definitely helping my energy I think.
I have so much confidence right now, and my self-esteem is higher than it's ever been. I don't know what changed but I'm glad it did. I feel great! I don't really care what others think anymore. I mean, sure, I'll always care about what they think but I'm not going to dwell on it any longer. I'm not going to let it get to me and upset me. It's time to start making me happy instead of worrying about if I'm okay by everyone else's standards. If you don't like me the way I am, that's your loss, I have plenty of friends who love me just the way I am.
I have more confidence now than I ever have. I'm happier than I've been in a long time. I'm looking forward to the future and what it holds for me.
~Cait :)
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
May29, 2013
Hello! I don't have much to blog about. I haven't done a whole lot since I last wrote. I've painted some and watched movies, and watched a lot of Doctor Who. Until this weekend that's pretty much all I'd done.
John and I hung out, usually with at least one or two of his friends. We played soccer and chilled outside, it was pretty fun. Monte came over for a couple days. I hadn't seen him in forever! (Okay, like a week, but before that it was like five months) I can't believe how big he is, I still see him as the little 6 year old I used to babysit, He's 12 now. Crazy how time flies. Macy mentioned last night that after Friday she'll officially be in 8th grade. I can't believe this! I can't believe that her and John are going to start their last year of middle school in just three short months. --- Macy and John are my little sister and brother. They are both 13. No they're not twins, they're not even related. My mom had Macy and my stepmom, Becky, had John. They just happen to only be a month apart. I remember when they were born, I was 8. I can't believe they're teenagers now.
Anyway... Yesterday was Memorial Day. My aunt Lori and her husband Trevor are up here from Florida, so my grandma and her "man friend" came up, my cousin Shelby came up, Lori and Larry (Lance's sister and brother-in-law) came over, and then I invited Natalie and Jc. We had a lot of fun, or at least I did. It was supposed to be a cookout but it rained so we all stayed in. Natalie, Jc, Shelby, Macy and I played Nintendo 64 and Apples to Apples, and ate obviously. It was great seeing them. I was worried it was going to be awkward, the reason I invited them in the first place was because I thought Megan and Macy were having friends over, I thought Shelby was bringing her boyfriend, and I thought there was going to be a lot more people here, but none of them came. It all turned out okay though.
That's pretty much it though. Tonight we're having a bonfire and hanging out. I'm so glad it's summer vacation! At the same time though, I'm anxious for the new semester to start, to get my act together, to officially change my major, and to just try as hard as I can to do better. Until then I will keep you updated on my rather boring, but relaxing summer. I just can't wait for my birthday! It's officially in one month! It's like 2 am so it's official. I can start inviting people on the first! We're going to have lunch/dinner in Indy, I haven't decided where yet, before the concert. I can't wait :)
~Cait
John and I hung out, usually with at least one or two of his friends. We played soccer and chilled outside, it was pretty fun. Monte came over for a couple days. I hadn't seen him in forever! (Okay, like a week, but before that it was like five months) I can't believe how big he is, I still see him as the little 6 year old I used to babysit, He's 12 now. Crazy how time flies. Macy mentioned last night that after Friday she'll officially be in 8th grade. I can't believe this! I can't believe that her and John are going to start their last year of middle school in just three short months. --- Macy and John are my little sister and brother. They are both 13. No they're not twins, they're not even related. My mom had Macy and my stepmom, Becky, had John. They just happen to only be a month apart. I remember when they were born, I was 8. I can't believe they're teenagers now.
Anyway... Yesterday was Memorial Day. My aunt Lori and her husband Trevor are up here from Florida, so my grandma and her "man friend" came up, my cousin Shelby came up, Lori and Larry (Lance's sister and brother-in-law) came over, and then I invited Natalie and Jc. We had a lot of fun, or at least I did. It was supposed to be a cookout but it rained so we all stayed in. Natalie, Jc, Shelby, Macy and I played Nintendo 64 and Apples to Apples, and ate obviously. It was great seeing them. I was worried it was going to be awkward, the reason I invited them in the first place was because I thought Megan and Macy were having friends over, I thought Shelby was bringing her boyfriend, and I thought there was going to be a lot more people here, but none of them came. It all turned out okay though.
That's pretty much it though. Tonight we're having a bonfire and hanging out. I'm so glad it's summer vacation! At the same time though, I'm anxious for the new semester to start, to get my act together, to officially change my major, and to just try as hard as I can to do better. Until then I will keep you updated on my rather boring, but relaxing summer. I just can't wait for my birthday! It's officially in one month! It's like 2 am so it's official. I can start inviting people on the first! We're going to have lunch/dinner in Indy, I haven't decided where yet, before the concert. I can't wait :)
~Cait
Saturday, May 18, 2013
May18, 2013
Hello there! It's summertime!! I am so excited to be out of school for the summer. I need a break to get myself together so I can really do well next year. I love being able to just do nothing and sleep all the time, however I haven't really been able to do that much. I stay at my dad's when my mom has to work because she works at 6 am, but then while I'm at my dad's I have to get up early when Becky works even if my dad doesn't because he can't use one arm right now. So I pretty much get up around 7 or 8 every day and go to bed around 10, unless I'm at my mom's. It isn't as bad as I thought it would be, and it's actually probably good for me to get on this schedule since I have an 8 am class every day next semester and I won't be able to nap all day.
Normally I dread coming home for the summer, but I'm actually happy about it this time. It's good seeing my family, and I'm having a great time with John and Macy. Since they're older we can actually talk about stuff and relate. I can talk to them about stuff that they're going through and they can listen to me and my drama. Macy is pretty much my therapists, she knows everything. With that and her not acting her age, we've become really close the last couple of years, she's honestly become one of my best friends. And John, we've had our differences but we really get along now and have a great time. They're still in school for a couple more weeks though, so in the mean time I'm very bored. I miss my friends but I'm sure I'll get to see them soo, well some of them hopefully.
It's been pretty nice relaxing and not doing anything. I've watched a lot of Doctor Who, and other random movies, and I've painted some. I love that it's getting so warm and sunny out! It's so nice! I could just sit outside forever! But then I would get terribly sunburned hahaha. I think it's going to be a pretty decent summer though, so I'll try to keep you all updated.
~Cait :)
Normally I dread coming home for the summer, but I'm actually happy about it this time. It's good seeing my family, and I'm having a great time with John and Macy. Since they're older we can actually talk about stuff and relate. I can talk to them about stuff that they're going through and they can listen to me and my drama. Macy is pretty much my therapists, she knows everything. With that and her not acting her age, we've become really close the last couple of years, she's honestly become one of my best friends. And John, we've had our differences but we really get along now and have a great time. They're still in school for a couple more weeks though, so in the mean time I'm very bored. I miss my friends but I'm sure I'll get to see them soo, well some of them hopefully.
It's been pretty nice relaxing and not doing anything. I've watched a lot of Doctor Who, and other random movies, and I've painted some. I love that it's getting so warm and sunny out! It's so nice! I could just sit outside forever! But then I would get terribly sunburned hahaha. I think it's going to be a pretty decent summer though, so I'll try to keep you all updated.
~Cait :)
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
April30, 2013
Hello there. I haven't written in a while, I know. I've been busy, yet nothing big has really happened. The past 3 weekends have been incredible. I've been able to see my closest friends and have had a really good time. However, I'm having a really rough time right now.
I'm getting better at hiding how I feel. I've been putting up walls like I used to, hiding my pain. It's really complicated. I'm happier than I've ever been but at the same time I am depressed because I know it is all ending soon.
It's my fourth year here and I am changing my major. I am very excited for this change and to be able to kind of start over. It's been a rough couple of years. I lack motivation and have been doing poorly in my classes. I was supposed to do better this semester... I'm doing worse than I ever have. I keep lying to people saying I'm doing fine but the truth is I'm not. I'm doing awful. I have had zero motivation to try at all this semester, I barely went to class, all I want to do is sleep, and then when I do finally get motivated I can't focus at all. My motivation and focus have gotten so bad. I think I am going to talk to my doctor over the summer to see if there is anything I can do to fix this. Maybe it's time to face the fact that I need help.
This isn't what's depressing though. I am having a really rough time with all of my friends graduating. I'm happy for them and so proud of all they have done and will do, but I'm going to miss them so much. It's going to be rough. Belle, Allen, Sifat, Donelle, Ethan, Bri, Tyler, Ashley, and Mike are all graduating. That's a lot of my friends, and so many of my closest ones. Some of them I have really gotten close to this year and I can't believe our time is almost over. And then Shannon and Chaneigh are graduating this summer, so there's two more. And then Matt is in December, which I can't even think about right now. I can't think about my best friend leaving... They're all moving on to bigger and better things. I have no doubt that they will each be successful in whatever they are doing. I'm so glad they have some of these opportunities. Whether it's going to grad school, teaching in New Mexico, working at Disney, studying in Africa, or simply just going out into the world and working, they will do great things. But I will miss them like crazy.
I'm trying not to show how sad I am. I want to show that I am supportive. It's hard though. Graduation is in just four short days. I wish I could spend the rest of the week with them, having a great time, forgetting that I may never see some of them again after this week. But on top of being crazy busy with finals and stuff, I've grown apart from some of them. I wish I could fix it but I'm not sure what went wrong.
I guess we'll just have to see how things go. It's going to be an emotional week, that's for sure. I'm going to miss everyone terribly, but am happy for them. I can't wait to see what all they do. I just hope we keep in touch. I'll write again soon, I'm going home Saturday so I will be able to write more often. So until then....
~Caitlin
I'm getting better at hiding how I feel. I've been putting up walls like I used to, hiding my pain. It's really complicated. I'm happier than I've ever been but at the same time I am depressed because I know it is all ending soon.
It's my fourth year here and I am changing my major. I am very excited for this change and to be able to kind of start over. It's been a rough couple of years. I lack motivation and have been doing poorly in my classes. I was supposed to do better this semester... I'm doing worse than I ever have. I keep lying to people saying I'm doing fine but the truth is I'm not. I'm doing awful. I have had zero motivation to try at all this semester, I barely went to class, all I want to do is sleep, and then when I do finally get motivated I can't focus at all. My motivation and focus have gotten so bad. I think I am going to talk to my doctor over the summer to see if there is anything I can do to fix this. Maybe it's time to face the fact that I need help.
This isn't what's depressing though. I am having a really rough time with all of my friends graduating. I'm happy for them and so proud of all they have done and will do, but I'm going to miss them so much. It's going to be rough. Belle, Allen, Sifat, Donelle, Ethan, Bri, Tyler, Ashley, and Mike are all graduating. That's a lot of my friends, and so many of my closest ones. Some of them I have really gotten close to this year and I can't believe our time is almost over. And then Shannon and Chaneigh are graduating this summer, so there's two more. And then Matt is in December, which I can't even think about right now. I can't think about my best friend leaving... They're all moving on to bigger and better things. I have no doubt that they will each be successful in whatever they are doing. I'm so glad they have some of these opportunities. Whether it's going to grad school, teaching in New Mexico, working at Disney, studying in Africa, or simply just going out into the world and working, they will do great things. But I will miss them like crazy.
I'm trying not to show how sad I am. I want to show that I am supportive. It's hard though. Graduation is in just four short days. I wish I could spend the rest of the week with them, having a great time, forgetting that I may never see some of them again after this week. But on top of being crazy busy with finals and stuff, I've grown apart from some of them. I wish I could fix it but I'm not sure what went wrong.
I guess we'll just have to see how things go. It's going to be an emotional week, that's for sure. I'm going to miss everyone terribly, but am happy for them. I can't wait to see what all they do. I just hope we keep in touch. I'll write again soon, I'm going home Saturday so I will be able to write more often. So until then....
~Caitlin
Sunday, April 7, 2013
April7, 2013
Hey! Sorry it's been so long! Not a lot has been going on out of the ordinary. I can't believer there's only three weeks of school left! It's going to be so hard saying goodbye to everyone. I don't want it all to end. I knew this day would come but I didn't think it'd come so quickly. This has got to be the worst part of growing up. Almost all of my friends are graduating. A few of us aren't but there are a lot who are. I'm trying not to think about it and trying to spend as much time with them as I can.
I don't have a whole lot to write about, I just felt like I needed to since it's been a month. I'm happier than I've been in a while, and it's lasted a while. I think it's because I've realized who my true friends are and I'm done caring about what the others think. There are some other things going on that are also making me happy but I'm not going to write about that yet.
I remembered that I was doing lists of favorites but haven't done any in a while so I'll do one of those...
Top 10 Countries I Want To Travel To:
10. Russia
9. Greece
8. India
7. England
6. Australia
5. Egypt
4. Italy
3. Ireland
2. France
1. New Zealand
~Caitlin
I also forgot that I was putting songs that I was listening to on the end of these. So the song for today is Fall Out Boy's new song that was just released The Phoenix. AH! I didn't write on here about them yet! They got back together in February!! There new cd comes out next week! And get this, I had a dream back in February that they got back together to do a show for my birthday, which wasn't too unusual because I have had dreams of their concerts before, but the next day I found out they got back together and were going on tour this summer! AND when I went to see if they were coming to Indy I saw they were...ON MY BIRTHDAY!! I'm not even kidding! I'm so excited!!! I already bought tickets :)
I don't have a whole lot to write about, I just felt like I needed to since it's been a month. I'm happier than I've been in a while, and it's lasted a while. I think it's because I've realized who my true friends are and I'm done caring about what the others think. There are some other things going on that are also making me happy but I'm not going to write about that yet.
I remembered that I was doing lists of favorites but haven't done any in a while so I'll do one of those...
Top 10 Countries I Want To Travel To:
10. Russia
9. Greece
8. India
7. England
6. Australia
5. Egypt
4. Italy
3. Ireland
2. France
1. New Zealand
~Caitlin
I also forgot that I was putting songs that I was listening to on the end of these. So the song for today is Fall Out Boy's new song that was just released The Phoenix. AH! I didn't write on here about them yet! They got back together in February!! There new cd comes out next week! And get this, I had a dream back in February that they got back together to do a show for my birthday, which wasn't too unusual because I have had dreams of their concerts before, but the next day I found out they got back together and were going on tour this summer! AND when I went to see if they were coming to Indy I saw they were...ON MY BIRTHDAY!! I'm not even kidding! I'm so excited!!! I already bought tickets :)
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Mar9, 2013
Well hello there! It is my last day at home over Spring Break, I am sitting alone in my living room watching The Last Song. My mom, Lance, Lori and Larry are in the kitchen, Megan is gone, and Caley, Macy and two of her friends are in the hot tub. I'm not really upset, I should've expected as much. I don't know, I guess I just didn't want to spend my last night home sitting here by myself. Oh well.
So I decided to blog, since I haven't done it in a couple weeks or so and I have nothing else to do. Everything is going pretty well. I am still really happy. I have my moments when I start slipping back into the way I was but then I try to stop dwelling on things and just be happy. So far it's been working. I don't really have much to blog about this time. I'm happy, I'm working on my eating problem, I have an idea of what I want to do with my life...which I guess I haven't blogged about now that I think about it.
I mentioned before that I am changing my major but at the time I didn't know what to. Well, I do now. There's a part of me that many of my friends don't know about, or they didn't until a few weeks ago. I love science. I'm good at math. In middle school I was on the math and science academic teams, in high school I got A's in calculus and all my science classes. I loved them and truly considered astronomy as a major when first starting college. However, I also loved fashion, and still do, so I went with that and decided to put all of that other stuff behind me. I got a social life, I became a bad student, and I didn't really care about school. I'm sick of that though. I want to do well in school. I want to prove that I am smart and can do well if I try. I didn't want to be a "nerd" anymore but I tried so hard not to be that I went too far. I'm barely getting by with my grades and I hate it. This semester I took on too much and am not doing as well as I could, those habits are hard to break, but I'm doing better I think. And I know I will for sure do better next semester.
So what is my new major? Well... I'm going to major in physics and minor in astronomy, I will also have minors in French and fashion as well. I wanted to do astronomy but they don't offer that as a major so I'm going to physics. Then I really want to go to grad school for astronomy after. Eventually, the dream goal would be to work for NASA. I know it's going to take a lot of work. And nobody, other than my dad, really believes me or thinks I can do it, and I don't blame them with the way my grades have been in college. But I know I can do it, and I'm really excited about it. I haven't been this excited about school in like 3 years. I will keep you updated. This is the plan for now though and I can't wait for people to see what I can really do.
~Cait :)
So I decided to blog, since I haven't done it in a couple weeks or so and I have nothing else to do. Everything is going pretty well. I am still really happy. I have my moments when I start slipping back into the way I was but then I try to stop dwelling on things and just be happy. So far it's been working. I don't really have much to blog about this time. I'm happy, I'm working on my eating problem, I have an idea of what I want to do with my life...which I guess I haven't blogged about now that I think about it.
I mentioned before that I am changing my major but at the time I didn't know what to. Well, I do now. There's a part of me that many of my friends don't know about, or they didn't until a few weeks ago. I love science. I'm good at math. In middle school I was on the math and science academic teams, in high school I got A's in calculus and all my science classes. I loved them and truly considered astronomy as a major when first starting college. However, I also loved fashion, and still do, so I went with that and decided to put all of that other stuff behind me. I got a social life, I became a bad student, and I didn't really care about school. I'm sick of that though. I want to do well in school. I want to prove that I am smart and can do well if I try. I didn't want to be a "nerd" anymore but I tried so hard not to be that I went too far. I'm barely getting by with my grades and I hate it. This semester I took on too much and am not doing as well as I could, those habits are hard to break, but I'm doing better I think. And I know I will for sure do better next semester.
So what is my new major? Well... I'm going to major in physics and minor in astronomy, I will also have minors in French and fashion as well. I wanted to do astronomy but they don't offer that as a major so I'm going to physics. Then I really want to go to grad school for astronomy after. Eventually, the dream goal would be to work for NASA. I know it's going to take a lot of work. And nobody, other than my dad, really believes me or thinks I can do it, and I don't blame them with the way my grades have been in college. But I know I can do it, and I'm really excited about it. I haven't been this excited about school in like 3 years. I will keep you updated. This is the plan for now though and I can't wait for people to see what I can really do.
~Cait :)
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