June9, 2011

Hey! So I just told someone I didn't have much to blog about but I was thinking about it and I kind of do actually. There's been some stuff bugging me lately and what other place to put it than right here? I mean I've shared everything else haha. So there are two people who are kind of driving me nuts this summer. I'm not going to mention names but if you guys read this you know who you are and you should knock it off. The first person use to be one of my best friends and now isn't talking to me for the stupidest reason, it's honestly the dumbest fight ever but they need to know I'm not letting them walk all over me anymore and talk crap about me so if they still want to be friends they need to put some effort into it because I'm tired of trying to fix friendships when the other person just makes it worse. I've tried apologizing and it somehow got turned into another session of calling me a bad friend. Well I'm done trying I miss you but apparently you don't want to be friends...whatever...your loss. The second person isn't near as bad but still kind of upsetting me. We were really good friends and now all of a sudden you're acting like you don't want to be anymore. I think I know why and if it's that reason you should know it's different now. I just want to go back to how things were. Whenever we are together you tease and make fun of me, which I know you do to everyone but this last time I saw you it was a little over board...after a while it gets old and some of it hurts. I wish we could just talk and be friends like we used to. Anywho...so last week a bunch of us went to the zoo and then around white river state park and then to the spaghetti factory for Leah's birthday. It was a lot of fun! I had a really great time, and it was good seeing everyone. Then Saturday we had 5 hours of soccer practice. It was a lot of fun. We are having practice again this Saturday, it's gonna be with circle city rollers which should help us because they are really good. Then next week we are going to Atlanta for nationals!! I'm so excited, I've never been to Atlanta. Then afterwards me and my family are going to Florida. I'm really excited for that, I need a vacation haha. And Natalie and her family are going too and I think we may be staying kind of close to each other, so that should be fun. Oh and my birthday is in 20 das!! Just sayin...haha. Well I'm gonna go for now see ya!

~Cait:)

May21, 2011

Wow, I haven't blogged in forever. Well I'm currently using my phone to write this because I finally remembered my password haha. So much yet so little has happened in the last month. We had finals and I did really well on them. I ended up getting an A- in astronomy which I still find hilarious because I barely went to class. My other grades were pretty good as well, which made me very happy. Natalie graduated and a bunch of us stayed and went to her graduation, it was extremely sad but I'm very happy for her at the same time. I am now at home and already bored out of my mind. The first week was pretty fun. I got to go to Little Mexico with my family, and then Matt came up one day and we went to the mall and then Little Mexico again haha, and then we had a soccer tournament, which we lost but it was still really fun. It was great getting to see people. This week has been extremely long. I literally haven't done anything. It's been kind of good in a way I guess, very relaxing, but very boring. I really miss everyone but often feel like it's a one way feeling. I want to text people and talk to them but then I feel annoying and I feel like they don't want to talk to me. But oh well, what can ya do? Well I'm gonna go for now. See ya
~Cait:)

April25, 2011

Wow I can't believe it's the 25th already! This month has gone by so fast! It's our last week of classes and then next week is finals. I'm glad but sad at the same time. I want to be out of class but I'm going to miss everyone a lot...This year has been incredibly amazing! I have met the greatest friends ever and I love them all. It's going to be so weird without being able to see them all the time. Even when we come back next year things are going to be so different next year. Almost everyone is moving out or graduation or something. I know we will all be friends still, but I'm going to miss being able to see them whenever I want. Anywho...So this weekend was pretty great. Macy came up and spent the night on Saturday and was here for Easter. It was fun. It was so quiet in the hall without everyone here, but we had a good time. We ordered pizza and went to church. It was a good Easter. Well I'm going to go take a nap and watch Drop Dead Diva.
~Cait :)

April23, 2011

Well it's Easter weekend and I'm pretty much here all alone. Only Bryan and Daniel are here but I think they are working on stuff, I'm not really sure. So I am watching movies all day. Right now I'm watching Gone with the Wind and it is taking FOREVER! haha. I really like it, I love old movies, but it's like 4 hours long. I'm trying to convince my little sister to come spend the night here, it would be fun. I'm going to be so bored tonight if Macy doesn't come over. Friday I went to the counseling center, and I'm going again next week. It helped and I'm glad I went. I then told my mom what had been going on. I was so scared to tell her, but am glad I did. Tomorrow I am going to church again, I loved it last week and I'm glad I have somewhere to go now. I feel like it will help me. Plus I missed church a lot. Well I'm going to go finish the movie, see ya.
~Cait :)

April21, 2011

Words can not really describe how happy I am right now. Last night was the night I needed. First of all, we had soccer practice which went really well. When we have practice though, I have to get in my soccer chair at like 3 or 4. It's a really comfortable chair and I like it but it's different and it has the controller on the side where as mine is in the middle and it has a bar that goes across that I use to move my arm a lot and without that it's hard to do many things. It's very hard to eat, for example, because I have nothing to lean my arm on so I can't lift it up hardly at all. Anywho, but we were at dinner and I was eating really slow because it was so difficult. My friend Matt, however, thought it was because I didn't want to eat. Oh I forgot to mention last time that I haven't been eating hardly anything in order to feel better. When I eat, I feel gross. I know this is wrong and I can't be starving myself like this, I'm working on it, but that's why Matt thought this. So yeah...But last night I wasn't sitting very comfortably in my chair after soccer because I had slid forward. Matt saw how uncomfortable I was and offered to put me in my normal chair. I said no because I wasn't really comfortable with that. No one besides my parents and aids have ever put me in my chair. Most people hadn't even seen me in my lift before. He eventually talked me into letting him try. I sat in my lift for a good 20-ish minutes. It was hilarious! I was scared for him to actually put me in my chair though because I'm not used to my friends being that close to me, you really have to push me back in order to get me back far enough. He did it though, and he did a great job. We then had a long, intense talk about stuff that's been bothering me. I actually went into details though. But he listened to it all, and he never left me. It felt so good to just get it all out there. When we left my room I was so happy it was ridiculous. I then went to Chad and Tyler's room. I'm not really sure what happened but it ended with Tyler reading my last blog. I left the room, afraid to be in there while he read it. I wasn't sure how he would react. I went to Donelle's room. Her, Matt, Jeremy and I were sitting in there talking when he came in...it looked like he was about to cry. I swear that was not my intent. I just wanted him to know how grateful I was. But yeah...so we talked and hugged and I know now that it's all good. I don't have to worry about him hating me and not wanting to be friends anymore. So it was overall a really good night. I feel sooo much better, and actually happy. A lot happier than I have been in a while. And I'm not faking it now, I'm not lying to myself or others about being happy. So Matt, if you are reading this, thanks! You are my best friend and I love you! As for the rest of you, I could not ask for better and more loving friends. I love you all and it's going to be hard saying goodbye in a couple weeks. But I know we are going to be friends forever, no matter how far we are from each other.
~Cait :D

April12, 2011

Wow...I take back what I was feeling yesterday. I could never be mad at him. If I tell this story, it will no longer be a secret, not that it is much of one anyway. Oh well, I'm kind of to the point where I don't care who knows anymore, and I need to get this out there so I feel better. So here we go... I have a serious self-esteem problem and yesterday was really bad. Some days are just worse than others. I was feeling bad about myself. I don't like how I look at all. I think I am fat, ugly, and often feel alone even when surrounded by friends. It really upsets me when I hear guys talk about how pretty or hot a girl is. Sunday I had to sit and listen to two of my friends talk about hot girls they saw where we were, one of them was who I like. It was really hard to listen to but I tried to act like nothing was wrong. He saw right through me though but I didn't tell him what was really bothering me. Yesterday I had to listen to a very similar conversation. I then went to my room and cried to the point that I began cutting my wrist...I don't do it hard or deep enough to do anything serious and I wasn't suicidal, but I do this once in a while to feel relief.  I know this is wrong and I don't do it very often anymore. This is the second time this semester. But after I calmed down I went to my friend Donelle's room to talk to her about it but my friends Tyler and Chad were in there and I saw that she was crying. So I instantly knew that that wasn't the time to be talking about my problems. I tried to comfort her the best way I could and eventually she calmed down and they started doing homework. I went to talk to some of my other friends down the hall when Matt saw my wrist. For the first time I actually believe he was mad at me. I was so upset that he was upset. We went to Donelle's room and he told her and Tyler. I talked to them for a few but didn't tell them why. We had to leave for a little while and a few hours later it ended being me, Donelle and Tyler. Tyler started by asking us how our days were and I told him not very well. We talked for a while and he really made me feel better. While Donelle and Matt were yelling at me and being mad at me, he was the complete opposite. He comforted me, hugged me and talked to me. This is all I needed. He made me feel better when nobody else could. If you are reading this, thank you. You have no idea what that means to me. He also gave me a movie to watch called To Save A Life. It was very good and made me realize that I'm not alone and that people do care. It showed the other people's views and I never realized how much it hurts others when I do these things or feel this way. I will forever be grateful for what he did for me. It was very eye opening and I promised not to do it again. And I'm going to try very hard to keep that promise. Today is a new day and I feel happy and different. I love my friends and am so glad I have them in my life.
~Cait :)

April11, 2011

Hey, so I decided to write on here to kinda vent a little bit but also hoping that someone will read it so I don't have to have this conversation with them. Lately some things have been bothering me and I don't know if I should say something or just let it go. I told a couple of my friends and they both told me to tell this person but I could use some more opinions. I feel like the guy I like acts different around me when it's just us than when we are with a bunch of people. He asks me to do things and go with him places quite a bit and usually it's just us, and when this happens he is really nice and funny and I feel perfectly fine and like everything is going to be okay. But then as soon as our friends are around he starts teasing and making fun of me. He does this to everyone and I know he is just joking around but he doesn't do it when nobody else is around and it's kind of confusing me. I don't know what I am supposed to think or how I should feel...what do you guys think? And I don't think I am just making this up in my head. I noticed this a couple weeks ago and have been watching to see if maybe I was just being paranoid but it's still happening...
~Cait